Barbara's Banter

Our family just saw the new movie about Abraham Lincoln. Impressive! Steven Spielberg does an admirable job reliving the final days of Lincoln which encompassed the end of the Civil War and the passing of the Thirteenth Amendment abolishing slavery. Pulitzer Prize winner Doris Kearns Goodwin’s book Team of Rivals was the primary source and having read the book plus seeing the movie I think both paint a portrait of the American Civil War and the men who led our nation at the time. Abraham Lincoln was more than a political genius; he was a just, fair, compassionate, and moral humanitarian.

Lincoln also had profound spiritual perception – which is remarkable considering he never professed to be a Christian. Lincoln attended but never joined a church. He was disillusioned by organized religion, but he never denied the truth of the Scriptures. He read the Bible throughout his life, quoted from it, and made use of biblical images. It is said he knew much of the Bible by heart. He pointed our country to God and continually asked for prayers. He was not a theologian, but he openly acknowledged the sovereignty of God.  Even in the midst of the Civil War, a time few had anything to be thankful for, Lincoln made Thanksgiving a national holiday.    

According to several books written about Lincoln, when a man approached him and said, “Mr. President, we trust during this time of trial in which the nation is engaged, God is on our side, and will give us victory.”

Lincoln wisely replied: “Sir, my concern is not whether God is on our side. My great concern is to be on God’s side.”

Being president during one of the most trying times in our nation’s history, Lincoln refused to picture the North as entirely virtuous in the Civil War, nor the South entirely evil. He knew each was fighting for a cause they believed in. In his second Inaugural Address in 1865 he said, “Both (North and South) read the same Bible and pray to the same God…” He knew the outcome was in God’s hands. He knew God’s perspective is not always our perspective and he was wise enough to see the subtle difference between God being on our side or us being on God’s side

How many of us want to be on God’s side? Academically, we probably all do. Emotionally, if we are totally honest, most of us want God to be on our side. We want God to back us up, continually deliver us, and think like we do. We may pray, “Thy will be done,” but in our hearts we want God to give us what we yearn for. Far too often we seek for God’s will to align with ours, when we should be praying for our will to align with his.

We can learn a lot from Lincoln’s statement: “Sir, my concern is not whether God is on our side. My great concern is to be on God’s side.” May we always believe and trust God. May we always pray and seek to be on God’s side.

Thanksgiving has come and gone but the spirit of thankfulness should remain in hearts all year round. Just saying a heartfelt “Thank you, Lord” every day can do wonders for your soul.

Thank You, God, for little things
That come unexpectedly
To brighten up a dreary day
that dawned so dismally.

Thank You, God, for sending
A happy thought my way
To blot out my sadness
On a disappointing day.

Thank You, God for brushing
The dark clouds from my mind
And leaving only sunshine
And joy of heart behind.

Oh, God the list is endless
Of things to thank You for,
But I take them all for granted
And unconsciously ignore

That everything I think or do,
Each movement that I make,
Each measured rhythmic heartbeat,
Each breath of life I take

Is something You have given me
For which there is no way
For me in all my smallness
To in any way repay.

~Helen Steiner Rice

Programs like Face Book actually give a false concept of what friendship is all about. Through Face Book we can now have more friends than people we have met in real life. But imagine getting a notification from Face Book saying: Jesus wants to be your friend. Would you press the accept icon? We should because Jesus really does want to be our friend.

We are lucky indeed that Jesus wants to be our friend. People will always disappoint us. Even our best friends can sometimes let us down, but Jesus never will. Jesus is that friend closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24) He’ll never leave or forsake us. (Hebrews 13:5)

In John 15:15 Jesus spoke to the disciples and said, “No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.”

The disciples might have been surprised when Jesus called them friends. But that’s how Jesus felt. He walked with them, talked with them, and even washed their feet. He shared intimate details of his own relationship with God the Father. He invited them to participate in that relationship.

In John 15:13 Jesus also said, “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” I guess he meant that because that’s what he did. He died for his disciples and he died for us, because Jesus is our friend.

There is no better friend to have than Jesus. Just think about it. He accepts us unconditionally. He loves us when we are unlovable. He wants to spend time with us. He’ll never leave or forsake us. He wants only the best for us. He rejoices with us when we accomplish something. He comforts us when we are weary. He picks us up when we fall. He stays with us when we are frightened. He cries with us when we are sad. He laughs with us when we are happy. That’s what friends do.

As we travel life’s highway friends can come and go. Sadly some BFFs will drift out of our lives and become distant memories. Sometimes they move and it’s hard to stay in contact. Sometimes they get offended and no amount of apologizing can soothe the hurt. Sometimes they change and don’t want to have us in their inner circle any more. However, the friendship with Jesus can remain constant.

Jesus does not change. If our friendship with Jesus dwindles it’s because we no longer desire to be friends with him. We will always be welcome into that Trinitarian “in-crowd” – that “inner circle” of friends – Father, Son, Holy Spirit and us.

Where to Look
We’ve been exploring the positive aspects of having friends. There are proven medical and psychological benefits of having friends. Plus, God says it’s a good idea. So let’s say we’ve now decided to step out of our comfort zone and try to find some friends.

First, may I suggest that if you are married you look for a friend of the same sex – unless, of course, you have a proclivity to swing both ways as they say. The point is – we are looking for friends, not an excuse to have an affair. Some delude themselves into thinking they are looking for “friends” when they are just looking to have sex or as they say “get laid.”

We are looking for a chum, a pal, a buddy, or a confidant. Where would we meet such a friend?

Well, we probably won’t meet them in a chat room on the Internet. Internet friends are like fantasy land friends. It’s virtual reality – not real. Check out Brad Paisley’s youtube video of his song called Online. It’s a hoot! It’s about a short, chubby guy who lives with his folks in the Midwest, works at the pizza pit, drives an old car, plays the tuba and so on but on line he’s 6’5” tall, drives a fancy car, is rich, handsome, a black belt in Karate, lives in Malibu and the chorus says, “I’m so much cooler online.”

I’m not saying it’s wrong to meet people online but we can’t get an accurate picture of how people really are unless we are around them. So we have to get out and about. We might meet potential friends at work, church, school, seminars, workshops, PTA, club meetings, charitable events, and so on. We are looking for someone with shared interests. Basically we need to get out and about. And for some of us, it’s not easy.

I had a woman tell me she was praying for God to bring her a friend, but she never went anywhere or did anything. Now sometimes people are confined by being a caregiver and can’t get out, but this was not the case. We have to do our part and make an effort. I always think about that joke where the person begged God to help him win the lottery and God finally said, “Help me out here – at least buy a lottery ticket.”

What to Look for
What qualities would you want in a friend? There’s nothing wrong with purposefully deciding who we want as our closest friends. Remember there is a distinct difference between acquaintances and intimate friends. We should love everyone but that doesn’t mean we want everyone for a close friend. Wrong friends can have a negative influence. Bad company corrupts good character. People we spend time with can pull us down or lift us up. (Proverbs 22:24-25, 1 Corinthians 15:33, 2 Peter 3:17) Friendships take an investment in time and energy so we want to invest wisely.

We want friends who will give us a different perspective (Proverbs 27:17), not gossip about us (Proverbs 16:28), be loyal (Proverbs. 27:9), lift us up (Ecclesiastes 4:8-12), listen to us (Proverbs 19:20), tell us the truth (Proverbs 27:9), and value us (John 15:13).

What Others Look for in Us
Then we must ask: What kind of friend am I? Do I have those qualities I’m looking for in others? I’d like to be the kind of friend we find in Mark 2, but know I fall short.

Here Jesus was preaching in a home. Four men came carrying a man who couldn’t walk on his own because he was paralyzed. Who knows how long they had been carrying this man so he could see Jesus. Now that’s true friendship. But this friendship goes even further. When they got to where Jesus was preaching it was so crowded “there was no room left, not even outside the door (Mark 2:2).” Now these four friends were determined to get this crippled man to Jesus so they climbed on the roof, removed some of the tiles and with ropes, lowered him down in front of Jesus. The Bible says Jesus saw their faith and healed the man. The word “their” indicates it was the faith of this man and all these friends.

I often wonder if I would be the kind of friend who would have said, “Okay, I got you to the front door and maybe you can get someone else to carry you the rest of the way.” Or would I have taken a look at the crowd and said, “You have got to be kidding. There is no way we’re getting you in to see Jesus today.” I’m not sure.

I am sure that friends are important. So whether we are looking for friends to be with or looking to be the friend others want to be with, remember this: It’s the friends we meet along life’s road who help us appreciate the journey.

In the last couple of blogs we have explored the importance of having friends. Medical and psychological experts say it’s a good idea. In fact studies say that maintaining positive relationships should rank up there with healthy eating and exercise as a necessary investment in your health. God thinks it’s a pretty good idea as well. Scripture even indicates that although Jesus loved all of his disciples he had a closer friendship with John (John 21:20).

So if we know having friends is such a good idea, why don’t people have more friends today?  Here are a few reasons…

Today’s society does not lend itself to building close friendships. In fact our world is fast moving towards social isolation. Today we can work out of home offices, shop on-line and have what we need delivered to our door. We can bank on-line and get our entertainment on cable. We don’t talk anymore, we text and tweet.

We are losing what little social skills we had and don’t know how to connect with others. People are becoming more isolated with a frustrated feeling of loneliness and emptiness. Relationships have become superficial and shallow. We cheapen what friendship really means with terms like Face Book friends or BFF. It’s a sad commentary to think we can now have more Face Book “friends” than we will ever meet in a lifetime.

Another reason people don’t have more friends is because friendships are time consuming. We are busy people and don’t have the time to interact with others. We are in a hurry. We rush here; we rush there. We feel we must be busy 24/7. That’s why the term 24/7 even came into existence. We can’t slow down enough to actually interact with others.

Friendships take a great deal of effort. Sometimes it’s all we can do to make it to and from work. When we get home we just want to crash or vegetate. We don’t have the energy to get out and meet people. That’s why computer chat rooms are popular. We can chat with millions of “friends” in our pajamas. Unfortunately these types of “friendships” are misleading and superficial. Virtual reality is not real reality.

Friendships are risky. They can bring joy; they can also bring heartache. Having friendships makes us vulnerable. We take a chance on being rejected or hurt.

Friendships can be difficult. We all have baggage we bring into a friendship. It can be difficult dealing with different personalities. It’s been said that it’s easy to be a Christian if you don’t have to deal with people. There might be some truth there.

Friendships require us to be more interested in others than ourselves. It’s a me, me, me world and most of us feel the world revolves around us – or at least wish it revolved around us. Who wants to be friends with a self centered person? Dale Carnegie said, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming really interested in other people, than you can in two years trying to get other people interested in you.” That’s something to think about.

And lastly some of us don’t have more friendships because we are introverts and enjoy being hermits. We just aren’t all that friendly. Proverbs 18:24 says that “a man who has friends must be friendly.”

Making friends might be difficult and require a certain amount of sacrifice. However, the sacrifice might be worth it. After all, it has been proven that we lead healthier, happier lives with friends. The reasons we’ve listed above for not having more friends are probably more like excuses – not reasons.

American author, political activist, and lecturer Helen Keller said, “It is better to walk in the dark with a friend than in the light alone.” She should know – being blind and deaf. She attributed much of her success to her friend Anne Sullivan.

No wonder God says, “Pity the man who has no friends.” (Ecclesiastes 4:10)

God created us to be relational and last time we explored those “one another” scriptures that admonish us to stay connected. However I think friendships – especially close friendships go above and beyond the “one another” scriptures.

Medical researchers have found that those who have close friends tend to be happier, healthier and live longer than those who don’t. Having friends has numerous physical and spiritual benefits. According to the Mayo Clinic in addition to preventing loneliness and giving companionship friends…

• Increase your sense of purpose
• Help the body’s auto immune system resist disease
• Help you cope with trauma such as divorce, illness, death, job loss
• Promote brain health
• Are more successful

Overall medical and psychological studies prove that people who have one or more close friends are in better health than those who have only casual friends or no friends at all. In fact studies say that maintaining positive relationships should rank up there with healthy eating and exercise as a necessary investment in your health.
Ecclesiastes 4:10 puts it this way: “Pity the man without friends.”

Here is what the Bible says about real friends…

• Proverbs 17:17: They love at all times. They know us, accept our weakness and imperfections but love us anyway.
• Proverbs 27:17: They give us a different perspective like “iron sharpening iron.” This also indicates a certain respect friends have for each other because iron cannot sharpen iron unless opinions are respected even though not agreed upon.
• Proverbs 27:9: They give wise counsel in a tactful way.
• Proverbs 27:5, 6: Even if a friend has to tell us something we don’t want to hear, it’s better because we know we can trust them.
• Proverbs 18:24: Friends are with you through thick and thin. Sometimes closer than family.
• Ecclesiastes 4:8-12: Friends lift you up and strengthen you. It says, “Two are better than one because if one falls down the other one helps him up.” It says that friends form a bond that is not easily broken.

So that Bette Midler song is true. You got to have friends. Well, I guess you don’t have to have friends but you will be happier and healthier if you do!

Elizabethan poet, minister, and scholar John Donne was the first to use the phrase “no man is an island” in his Devotions – Meditation XVII written in 1624. Humans like to think they don’t need others, but they do. They need other people and they need God.

In the beginning God said let us make man in our image. (Genesis 1:26) After man was made he went on to make him a companion because he said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18)

God did not create us to be alone. The Bible is full of relational concepts. Every time the Bible says do this or that to one another, it’s talking about building relationships. We are told to…

• be at peace with one another (Mark 9:50)
• honor one another (Romans 12:10)
• be kind to one another (Ephesians 4:32) 
• forgive one another (Ephesians 4:32)
• love one another (John 13:34, 35)
• don’t judge one another (Romans 14:13)
• accept one another (Romans 15:7)
• serve one another (Galatians 5:13)
• encourage one another (Ephesians 4:18)
• pray for one another (James 5:17)

The list goes on and on. These scriptures would be hard to fulfill in total isolation. You see, true Christianity is about our relationship with God and our relationship with “one another.”

God is all about connectedness. We are connected with others and we are connected with God. And through that connectedness we are expected to interact and build relationships.

God models this for us through the Trinitarian relationship with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. It is further exemplified in the grace filled gesture of making salvation available for all mankind so we, too, can enter into that relationship. That’s good news for us!

No man is an island because God made us that way. It is not good for man to be alone – more convenient maybe, less messy maybe, not as stressful maybe – but definitely not good.

Then God said, “Let us make man in our image…” (Genesis 1:26)   Unfortunately, many try to turn that scripture around.  They think it reads, “Let us make God in our image.”  In other words they have the misconception that God likes what they like, hates what they hate, and would react the way they would in any given situation.  In their minds they actually create a being more like themselves.   Which validates this old saying:  “God created man in his own image and man, being a gentleman, returned the favor.” So popular is this quote that it’s accredited to everyone from Voltaire to Rousseau and even Mark Twain.   

A. W. Tozer says:  “Much of our difficulty as seeking Christians stems from our unwillingness to take God as He is and adjust our lives accordingly. We insist upon trying to modify Him and to bring Him nearer to our own image.”   

Unfortunately sometimes our view of God can reflect our own personality.  Introverts might think God is distant and not all that interested in our day to day lives.  Extroverts might think God is the life of the party so let’s live it up.  Happy people might think God wants to give everyone a big hug.  Angry people might think God wants to annihilate everyone.  Activists might think God is interested in social change, so they join groups to affect this.  Pacifists might think God will just let everything take its course, so it’s better to remain uninvolved. 

Anne Lamott in her book Bird by Bird says a friend of hers puts it this way: “You can safely assume you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out God hates all the same people you do.”  This makes the Christian life so much easier because the phrase “what would Jesus do” quickly morphs into “what would I do.”    

Eventually we must all learn to accept that what we think is not as important as what God thinks, because our thoughts are not his thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8)  After all, God is God!  Since God has given us free will we can choose to believe him or not.  We can even choose to make him over into our image, but our inventive mind manipulations will not change him into something else. 

Christians spend far too much time trying to align God’s views with theirs instead of striving for the reverse – aligning their thinking with God’s.  It’s a hard concept to grasp but God does not like what we like, just because we like it.  God does not hate what we hate, just because we hate it.  God does not react how we react, just so we can justify what we do.  If he did, we would not need to seek the mind of Christ (Philippians 2:5) and be transformed (Romans 12:2).

A few years ago the buzz words “What would Jesus do” were very popular. T-shirts, back packs, patches, books, and bracelets carried the phrase. I still see bumper stickers proudly displaying those words. In fact, just use the anagram WWJD and every Christian more than likely will know what it means.

Not to miss a marketing opportunity, the jargon was even modified into “what would Jesus buy” or “what would Jesus wear” and so on. I must admit that last one always reminds me of the old Ray Stevens song Would Jesus Wear a Rolex on His Television Show – well worth listening too – but I digress.

The funny part about all of this hype is that most people just make assumptions about what Jesus would do. They don’t even take the time to read the first four books of the New Testament (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John) to find out. If these records of Jesus’ time here on earth were read without prejudice and preconceived ideas, what Jesus would do might surprise people. Consider the following…

Would Jesus drink beer? Maybe. His first miracle was turning water into wine. I can’t help but think he would have a little taste, too. But drinking an alcoholic beverage and getting drunk are two different things. (John 2:1-10, Matthew 11:19)

Would Jesus be filled with compassion? Would he cry? Maybe. The Bible says he wept when Lazarus died. (John 11:35)

Would Jesus hang around with sinners? Maybe. He did in Biblical times. In fact he was called a friend to sinners. (Matthew 11:19)

Would Jesus get angry? Maybe. Anger in itself is not wrong but wrong use of that anger is. The Bible says, “Be angry and sin not.” (Ephesians 4:26) Jesus turned over the tables of the moneychangers outside the temple, which indicates he was a tad bit upset. (Matthew 21:12, Mark 11:15)

Would Jesus have apprehension? Maybe. The night before he was crucified he asked God if there was any other way. (Matthew 26:39)

Would Jesus get frustrated? Maybe. He seemed a little irritated with three of the disciples when he took them on the mountain so he could pray and they kept falling asleep. (Matthew 26:40)

Would Jesus confuse the issue? Maybe. He certainly did when he said those who don’t eat my flesh and drink my blood have no part of me. Many left his side that day because they thought he was speaking literally. (John 6:53-66)

Would Jesus have a best friend? Maybe. The Bible alludes to the fact that he was a little closer to John than the other disciples. (John 21:20)

Would Jesus have modern ideas? Maybe. He was certainly progressive for his time. He treated all people, even Samaritans and women with dignity and respect. That was unheard of in those days. (John 4:7-9)

A little research will show that Jesus wasn’t a pseudo sanctimonious recluse preaching platitudes. He enjoyed life. In fact, he came eating, drinking, and joining in the midst of life at that time. (Luke 7:34) He associated with everyone including tax collectors, prostitutes, scribes, and sinners, so they called him a glutton and a drunkard. (Matthew 9:10, 11; Luke 5:27-30). But we know he wasn’t those things because he was able to have a good time and relate to people of all walks of life without sinning! (1 Peter 2:22)

I’m not saying a marketing ploy that gets people thinking about Jesus and what he would do is wrong. I’m just suggesting we do our homework and get the facts before we preach it to others. What Jesus would or would not do might surprise you!

While attending a wedding in the small town of Belmond, Iowa a few weeks ago we stayed at a lovely, local bed and breakfast called Klemme House. Named after Ray and Lucy Klemme, the couple who built the house, this B & B has a rustic charm. If you Google Ray or Lucy Klemme you won’t find out much. You have to speak to someone who has heard their story passed down from generation to generation – mostly by word of mouth.

The Klemmes were a prominent family in this Iowa community who actually founded a town by the same name about 19 miles north of Belmond. However, when Ray and Lucy Klemme decided to marry in 1910, they settled in Belmond where they raised three sons.

The Klemme family owned the lumberyard, furniture store, and funeral home. In addition to running those businesses Ray was a pioneer in casting cement so he started a concrete company and later a portable farm building company. He was an inventor, president of an insurance company, plus served on town committees such as the library board.

Lucy was heavily involved in community activities. She played the piano in church plus directed the choir. She ran the local Red Cross, helped with food ration stamps during WW 2, and was a member of the Century Club, Kensington Club, and Progress Club. She was also quite artistic. Klemme House has some placemats and napkins made by Lucy, plus one of her hand painted teacups and saucers.

Lucy continued her community involvement even in her old age. After Ray died and Lucy aged to the point she couldn’t get around as well as she used to, the hospital auxiliary called to let her know they were starting a new shut-ins visitation program. They were about to ask when they could come see her when she said, “That’s a great idea. Who do you want me to visit?”

Klemme House has the original hardwood floors, actually made from the Klemme Lumber Company, and woodwork including 12 inch baseboards. You just don’t see this kind of craftsmanship anymore. Original ceiling beams highlight the living room. The original pewter chandelier in the dining room where two dress forms display Lucy’s wedding dress and Ray’s Knights of Columbus uniform.

I find it so interesting to stay in a house such as this. Each home has a story. As the old saying goes, “If only these walls could talk, what a story they could tell.”  It was fun to sip coffee with the current owners, Al and Connie Mattison, and learn about the heritage of this fine, old house.

Oddly enough, the Mattisons aren’t related to the Klemmes. Years after the Klemmes moved away, the Mattisons moved down the street from the deteriorating house. That’s when Connie fell in love with it and even had dreams about how she would restore and decorate it one day. It was out of their price range, but they thought if they could use it as a bed and breakfast perhaps they could afford to live there. So when the house came on the market in 1997 they bought it, started remodeling, and officially opened Klemme House in February 1998.

Although located in a small town, Klemme House does a lot of business. The Mattisons continue to gather information about the original owners. The Klemme family is delighted that someone has taken an interest in their heritage. Through others, their legacy lives on.

But here’s the point, not every interesting or even important person can be found with Google. In fact, most of the people we meet in life won’t be found on the Internet. However each is unique in God’s eyes. Each has a specific journey he/she is on. Each has a story or two they could share if we only took the time to ask them.