Where to Look
We’ve been exploring the positive aspects of having friends. There are proven medical and psychological benefits of having friends. Plus, God says it’s a good idea. So let’s say we’ve now decided to step out of our comfort zone and try to find some friends.
First, may I suggest that if you are married you look for a friend of the same sex – unless, of course, you have a proclivity to swing both ways as they say. The point is – we are looking for friends, not an excuse to have an affair. Some delude themselves into thinking they are looking for “friends” when they are just looking to have sex or as they say “get laid.”
We are looking for a chum, a pal, a buddy, or a confidant. Where would we meet such a friend?
Well, we probably won’t meet them in a chat room on the Internet. Internet friends are like fantasy land friends. It’s virtual reality – not real. Check out Brad Paisley’s youtube video of his song called Online. It’s a hoot! It’s about a short, chubby guy who lives with his folks in the Midwest, works at the pizza pit, drives an old car, plays the tuba and so on but on line he’s 6’5” tall, drives a fancy car, is rich, handsome, a black belt in Karate, lives in Malibu and the chorus says, “I’m so much cooler online.”
I’m not saying it’s wrong to meet people online but we can’t get an accurate picture of how people really are unless we are around them. So we have to get out and about. We might meet potential friends at work, church, school, seminars, workshops, PTA, club meetings, charitable events, and so on. We are looking for someone with shared interests. Basically we need to get out and about. And for some of us, it’s not easy.
I had a woman tell me she was praying for God to bring her a friend, but she never went anywhere or did anything. Now sometimes people are confined by being a caregiver and can’t get out, but this was not the case. We have to do our part and make an effort. I always think about that joke where the person begged God to help him win the lottery and God finally said, “Help me out here – at least buy a lottery ticket.”
What to Look for
What qualities would you want in a friend? There’s nothing wrong with purposefully deciding who we want as our closest friends. Remember there is a distinct difference between acquaintances and intimate friends. We should love everyone but that doesn’t mean we want everyone for a close friend. Wrong friends can have a negative influence. Bad company corrupts good character. People we spend time with can pull us down or lift us up. (Proverbs 22:24-25, 1 Corinthians 15:33, 2 Peter 3:17) Friendships take an investment in time and energy so we want to invest wisely.
We want friends who will give us a different perspective (Proverbs 27:17), not gossip about us (Proverbs 16:28), be loyal (Proverbs. 27:9), lift us up (Ecclesiastes 4:8-12), listen to us (Proverbs 19:20), tell us the truth (Proverbs 27:9), and value us (John 15:13).
What Others Look for in Us
Then we must ask: What kind of friend am I? Do I have those qualities I’m looking for in others? I’d like to be the kind of friend we find in Mark 2, but know I fall short.
Here Jesus was preaching in a home. Four men came carrying a man who couldn’t walk on his own because he was paralyzed. Who knows how long they had been carrying this man so he could see Jesus. Now that’s true friendship. But this friendship goes even further. When they got to where Jesus was preaching it was so crowded “there was no room left, not even outside the door (Mark 2:2).” Now these four friends were determined to get this crippled man to Jesus so they climbed on the roof, removed some of the tiles and with ropes, lowered him down in front of Jesus. The Bible says Jesus saw their faith and healed the man. The word “their” indicates it was the faith of this man and all these friends.
I often wonder if I would be the kind of friend who would have said, “Okay, I got you to the front door and maybe you can get someone else to carry you the rest of the way.” Or would I have taken a look at the crowd and said, “You have got to be kidding. There is no way we’re getting you in to see Jesus today.” I’m not sure.
I am sure that friends are important. So whether we are looking for friends to be with or looking to be the friend others want to be with, remember this: It’s the friends we meet along life’s road who help us appreciate the journey.
