In the last couple of blogs we have explored the importance of having friends. Medical and psychological experts say it’s a good idea. In fact studies say that maintaining positive relationships should rank up there with healthy eating and exercise as a necessary investment in your health. God thinks it’s a pretty good idea as well. Scripture even indicates that although Jesus loved all of his disciples he had a closer friendship with John (John 21:20).
So if we know having friends is such a good idea, why don’t people have more friends today? Here are a few reasons…
Today’s society does not lend itself to building close friendships. In fact our world is fast moving towards social isolation. Today we can work out of home offices, shop on-line and have what we need delivered to our door. We can bank on-line and get our entertainment on cable. We don’t talk anymore, we text and tweet.
We are losing what little social skills we had and don’t know how to connect with others. People are becoming more isolated with a frustrated feeling of loneliness and emptiness. Relationships have become superficial and shallow. We cheapen what friendship really means with terms like Face Book friends or BFF. It’s a sad commentary to think we can now have more Face Book “friends” than we will ever meet in a lifetime.
Another reason people don’t have more friends is because friendships are time consuming. We are busy people and don’t have the time to interact with others. We are in a hurry. We rush here; we rush there. We feel we must be busy 24/7. That’s why the term 24/7 even came into existence. We can’t slow down enough to actually interact with others.
Friendships take a great deal of effort. Sometimes it’s all we can do to make it to and from work. When we get home we just want to crash or vegetate. We don’t have the energy to get out and meet people. That’s why computer chat rooms are popular. We can chat with millions of “friends” in our pajamas. Unfortunately these types of “friendships” are misleading and superficial. Virtual reality is not real reality.
Friendships are risky. They can bring joy; they can also bring heartache. Having friendships makes us vulnerable. We take a chance on being rejected or hurt.
Friendships can be difficult. We all have baggage we bring into a friendship. It can be difficult dealing with different personalities. It’s been said that it’s easy to be a Christian if you don’t have to deal with people. There might be some truth there.
Friendships require us to be more interested in others than ourselves. It’s a me, me, me world and most of us feel the world revolves around us – or at least wish it revolved around us. Who wants to be friends with a self centered person? Dale Carnegie said, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming really interested in other people, than you can in two years trying to get other people interested in you.” That’s something to think about.
And lastly some of us don’t have more friendships because we are introverts and enjoy being hermits. We just aren’t all that friendly. Proverbs 18:24 says that “a man who has friends must be friendly.”
Making friends might be difficult and require a certain amount of sacrifice. However, the sacrifice might be worth it. After all, it has been proven that we lead healthier, happier lives with friends. The reasons we’ve listed above for not having more friends are probably more like excuses – not reasons.
American author, political activist, and lecturer Helen Keller said, “It is better to walk in the dark with a friend than in the light alone.” She should know – being blind and deaf. She attributed much of her success to her friend Anne Sullivan.
No wonder God says, “Pity the man who has no friends.” (Ecclesiastes 4:10)
