Barbara's Banter

Reading “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect” in Matthew 5:48 reminds me of all my imperfections – which are many to be sure. The imperfection I hate most in my life is that I’m not perfect.

Those who struggle with perfection know too well the feeling of never really being good enough. We are like those children learning to write the alphabet for the first time, who tear their papers up the second they see they have malformed a letter. It makes no difference that they made it to the “R” without a problem. If the “S” looks sloppy then in the trash it goes. Practically perfect people are hard on themselves.

In psychological terms perfectionism is the belief that perfection can and should be attained. When that belief transforms into thinking anything less than perfect is unacceptable, problems set it. Through a perfectionist’s eyes a person’s self-worth is determined by flawlessness. Of course ideas of perfection vary from person to person. Perfectionists set rigid standards of performance for themselves. They never feel they “measure up” and although they won’t readily admit it, they don’t think anyone else “measures up” either.

One of my favorite movie lines comes from Mary Poppins when she crisply says, “We practically perfect people never make mistakes.” And here is the problem in Christian thinking: many Christians link perfection to making mistakes. The word “perfect” in the above scripture is “telios” meaning finished, full grown, mature, lacking nothing, or brought to completeness. It has nothing to do with making mistakes or not being good enough.

Most people think perfection is all about physical characteristics such as being good, successful, sinless, or respected. When God speaks of perfection, he wants us to “be complete” by being spiritually one with his son Jesus Christ. This perfection is not designed to make us look good or perform flawlessly, but to let Christ’s life be manifested through us. Physical perfection is more concerned about actions we perform to a certain level, whereas spiritual perfection is more about becoming totally dependent on God, letting him work through us to perform his will – not ours. It’s not concerned about “self.”

The good news is that we are already perfect in God’s sight. We are reconciled through Jesus Christ and he lives in us. This comes not from our false concepts of trying to attain perfection or being good enough. It is a gift given freely to us. With Christ in us we are brought to completion and we lack nothing. Will we make mistakes? Sure. But remember – the perfection spoken of in this scripture is not about what we do; it’s about what Christ does. His life in us makes us perfect.

Thousands of years ago Job asked a question about death that has continued to plague mankind. “If a man dies, will he live again?” (Job 14:14) Science may be able to prolong life but not cheat death. Everyone knows death is inevitable and it’s only natural that people want to know what happens after we die.

Death can be hard to face. The bible refers to it as our final enemy (1 Corinthians 15:26). A loved one’s death can fill us with helplessness or if it comes quickly, anger. Facing our own death may have us feeling fearful, uncertain, perhaps defeated. Even those who bail out of life with suicide are hoping for something better.

At this time of year we are reminded of one who lived and died – for us. Jesus Christ loved us so much he came to earth, lived among us and freely died for us. But death was not the end of the story for he rose from the dead and is victorious. “…Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is your victory? O death, where is thy sting?” (1 Corinthians 15:54, 55)

The good news is that Christ’s victory over death is ours as well. He fought the battle for us. All we have to do is to choose to partake of this victory in Christ as John 5:24 tells us. “He who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life and shall not come into judgment, but has passed from death into life.” This has nothing to do with living a good life or earning salvation. It comes from believing and trusting God.

Job’s question can be answered because at death our “perishable will have put on the imperishable, and this mortal will have put on immortality (1 Corinthians 15:54).” Death doesn’t have to be the end; it can be the beginning. Death is swallowed in victory.

Although I don’t want rush this victorious process by embracing premature death, it’s comforting to know Christ’s resurrection gives us blessed assurance. When the women came to Christ’s tomb they were told, “He is not here; he is risen… (Matthew 28:6).” He is risen and lives today. And because he lives, we shall live also.

The whole year our son Matthew was in first grade he lamented about not having many friends. I talked to his teacher to see if he was adjusting well in the class and she assured me Matthew was doing fine and was well-liked. When we found out my husband’s job transfer would have us moving to another state during the summer, we decided to throw an end-of- the-school year going away party for Matthew and invited all the boys in his class. Matthew said, “Okay, but I don’t think many will come.”

Well he was wrong. Everyone came. And not only did they come, they brought cards and gifts. As the parents dropped the kids off many expressed their sorrow in Matthew leaving. They said: “Tommy says Matthew is his best friend and he is heart-broken that he’s leaving.” “Billy says Matthew is the nicest kid in his class.” “Joey says Matthew is his best friend.” “Johnny likes Matthew more than anyone else in his class.”

And boy, did Matthew score in the gift department! His birthday and Christmas that year would never measure up to those packages. The cards the children wrote were sweet and thoughtful. One had a picture in it and he wrote, “This is my picture so you will never forget me. I will never forget you.” Several told Matthew he was their very best friend. As Matthew reread the cards that evening he said, “I didn’t know so many of the kids really liked me.” If he had realized that sooner, he could have had a lot more fun in first grade.

The mind is a complex mechanism and can play tricks on us, sabotaging our happiness. We think people are talking about us. We think people don’t like us. We think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. We think we are unlucky. We think we are ugly. We think we are stupid. We think we are unlovable. Sometimes we see things the way we think they are, not how they really are.

This is not to say life does not have problems. There are times when we have a legitimate right to feel neglected, rejected, and subjected to unfounded ridicule. But all too often our thought process has us imputing motives and jumping to wrong conclusions over the simplest of matters, magnifying them out of proportion. Our lives become limited because we hesitate to build friendships, develop relationships, and try new adventures.

What we think about ourselves can impact our lives. If we tell ourselves we have no friends long enough, we may end up friendless. If we tell ourselves we are stupid long enough, our minds might become dull. If we tell ourselves we can’t do something, more than likely we won’t even try. Because “as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he… (Proverbs 23:7)”

What we think can make a big difference in whether we endure life or enjoy it!

The old television show Hee-Haw had a humorous segment with four women called the Gossip Girls singing something like this…

“Now, we’re not ones to go ’round spreadin’ rumors,
Why, really we’re just not the gossipy kind,
No, you’ll never hear one of us repeating gossip,
So you’d better be sure and listen close the first time!”

Pretty funny, huh?

Gossip can have many sides. In fact some gossip can be good, some bad, and some ugly.

Good Gossip
Is there such a thing as good gossip? Actually gossip has several meanings. One is to exchange light, trivial chitchat. It’s a sort of mutual sharing of information. “Mary used a new hair coloring.” “John got a new car.” “Julie had a baby.” It’s usually common knowledge that one wouldn’t mind sharing with others. This kind of socialization helps us learn to relate to others and can be bonding.

Bad Gossip
However, a second meaning is to spread rumors, usually of a sensitive or intimate nature. Don’t we just love being privy to some juicy, personal tidbit about someone else? It doesn’t even matter if it’s true or not. People may not start out telling half truths but by the time they tell their closest friends who tell their closest friends who tell their closest friends, the truth can get pretty distorted, but we believe it anyway. As the saying goes, “Some people will believe anything if it’s whispered to them.”

This type of gossip can be harmful and hurtful. Bad gossip is when you have to abruptly stop a conversation when the person being talked about comes into the room. When you are afraid to say it to a person’s face, it can’t be good to repeat.

Ugly Gossip
Ugly gossip deliberately tries to damage a person’s reputation, which goes beyond sharing something you’ve heard. These are lies designed to cause pain and grief. With the Internet, they are all too easy to spread. Unfortunately, when people see things in print, they believe it even more than something whispered in the ear.

This type of gossip can seem quite impersonal, unless you are the target of such maliciousness. School bullies are using this technique on kids they don’t like, resulting in many young people committing suicide. They even have a term for it called “bullycide.”

No wonder the Bible says, “A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends (Proverbs 16:28 – NLT)” and “What dainty morsels rumors are—but they sink deep into one’s heart (Proverbs 18:8 – NLT).”

 A friend shared this acronym with me and I try to “think” about it when I speak of others.     

• T – True – Is it true?
• H – Helpful – Is it helpful?
• I – Inspiring – Is it inspiring?
• N – Necessary – Is it necessary?
• K – Kind – Is it kind? 

Since someone shared it with me and I’m sharing it with you, let’s just say this is some good gossip you can share with anyone who tries to share bad gossip with you – to keep rumors from getting ugly.  

Today we are exposed to so much technology it’s scary. Once television and radio were considered the only home invaders, but now we have a myriad of video games, the Internet, cell phones, and iPods to contend with – each opening up a variety of ways to keep us busy. 

Technological advancements have given multitasking a new name. We talk on cell phones while driving, text while eating in restaurants with others, check e-mails while working, update Face Book while downloading iTunes, and Twitter while walking.

Through instant messaging we can carry on six different conversations while we watch You Tube’s recap of American Idol and vote for our favorite Dancing with the Stars celebrity at the same time. All this activity gives the illusion we are accomplishing more, but that’s not necessarily true.

Humans are not computerized robots. Everything they do has to be processed by a physical brain. Studies show that when we are over stimulated with activity, our thinking process actually becomes dim and slows down. So we aren’t really accomplishing more, even if we think we are. We are just busier. And we feel we must be busy all the time. So much so that we don’t know how to relax or just be still.

All this busyness keeps us from truly engaging with people – one on one. Texting is not the same as carrying on a personal conversation where you can actually look into someone’s eyes, read their body language, or comfort them with a hug. For a Christian this is paramount; for true Christianity is relational.

Not only is it important to spend literal, focused time with others, it is vital in our relationship with God. God would appreciate having a little of our undivided attention, as well.

Psalm 46:10 tells us, “Be still and know that I am God.” When read in context, the intention here is to realize our weaknesses and rely on the power of God. It is he who is our ultimate deliverer, no matter what we think we contribute to help him. It’s a sort of “let go and let God” concept. Although I know that, I can’t help but use this scripture to remind myself to periodically stop all my busyness. If I am never still, I will never consciously turn my troubles over to God or appreciate everything he does for me.

Perhaps we could accomplish more by being still occasionally and getting to know God, than multitasking ourselves into oblivion.

Are you religious? People make a huge error thinking that Christianity is a religion. It’s not so much a religion as it is a lifestyle. Religion is what you believe, but Christianity is what you live. It’s something you do.

When people become followers of Christ (i.e. Christians), their lives are no longer their own. (1 Corinthians 3:23) They automatically become witnesses! (Acts 1:8) Others look carefully at the Christian lifestyle, so Christians are actually witnessing for Christ whether they want to or not. We Christians have quite a responsibility. The question is: What kind of witnesses are we?

• Christians are the salt of the earth. (Matthew 5:13) Are we full of zest for the life we are called to live?
• Christians are the light of the world. (Matthew 5:14) Do we light a candle in this world or do we curse the darkness?
• Christians are friends of Christ. (John 15:13-15) Do we understand the meaning of friendship in our relationships? Can we keep a confidence?
• Christians are not under the law but under grace. (Romans 6:14, 15) Do we know when to make an issue out of something and when to let it pass?
• Christians are partakers of the sufferings of Christ. (2 Corinthians 1:2-8) How do we handle trials when they come our way? Christians aren’t promised a life without thorns or thistles.
• Christians are a letter. (2 Corinthians 2:2, 3) When people read what is written on our heart, do they know more about a loving God?
• Christians are a sweet aroma. (2 Corinthians 2:15, 16) Do we smell of fragrant perfume or reek of B.O? Do we need a spiritual bath?

The main reason people do not become Christians is because they know one. By the same token, the main reason they do become Christians is because they know one. Maybe we should ask, “How do people feel when they are around me? What do people see when they look at me?” I’m not talking about perfection but reflection.

When we look in a mirror do we see wrinkles? Baggy eyes? Double chins? Scars? God doesn’t see that and he wants us to see what he sees – a reflection of him. (2 Corinthians 2:15,16) Do we reflect the fruits the Holy Spirit or the works of the flesh? (Galatians 5:19-25) When people look at us do they see a glimmer of the reflection of God?

Do we profess to be religious?  That may not be enough. For example, John said that saying you love God but not showing it to your neighbor puts you on dangerous ground.  (I John 4:20)  On the other hand, doing something for others is the same as doing it for God.  (Matthew 25:24-46)

Like they say, “You have to walk the walk, not just talk the talk.”  So remember that religion is something you believe, but Christianity is something you DO!

Some Christians believe that because our past sins and future sins have been forgiven they can get away with sin. It’s true when God forgives he “remembers our sins no more (Hebrews 8:12; 10: 17),” however he doesn’t magically wipe out the consequences of our actions. There is always cause and effect. In biblical terminology it means we reap what we sow.

“Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap. For he that sows to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that sows to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.” Galatians 6:7-9

In our hearts we know this. We say…
      – What goes around comes around.
      – Things come back to haunt you.
      – Your sins will find you out.
      – You play; you pay.

Some may put off developing a relationship with Christ feeling they want time to “sow their wild oats.” After all, won’t God forgive us? Yes, he will. We are forgiven for our sins but there is an aftermath. Sin is like driving a nail through your hand. Forgiveness pulls the nail out and allows healing, but it doesn’t take away the pain or the scar that remains.

Abusing our bodies shortens our lifespan. Going against our conscience leaves the mind dull, impacting our ability to make wise decisions. Repeatedly losing self-control results in anger, envy, outbursts, cruelty, and so on. Giving into what we know is wrong time and time again results in developing bad habits that become a part of who we are. This hinders us from living the full and abundant life God desires for us.

Many think God sits in heaven looking for sinners to zap with an electrical shock. He doesn’t have to do that. Sin carries its own “reward.” It’s like drinking slow poison. Eventually it all catches up with you. In the end no one gets away with sin. Not because of a vengeful God, but because we reap what we sow.

You’ve probably heard it said a hundred times: “Let go and let God.” And you’ve probably replied each time you’ve heard it: “That’s easier said than done!”

Since it’s hard to determine when to let go in life, we tend to hold onto everything. It’s easier to hold on than make the mistake of letting go of the wrong thing or letting go at the wrong time. So emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually we hang onto everything. We reason that we may need it someday, so better just hang onto it.

There is a heavy price to pay when we hang onto everything. Physically, our houses become filled with junk. Emotionally, we carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. Mentally, we become consumed with trivial matters. Spiritually, we never learn to truly trust God.

The sad part is that we as Christians don’t have to hold onto much of anything because Christ bears our burdens (1 Peter 5:7). We can let go and let God

What are some things we are hanging onto so tightly that God could carry for us if we would just let go? Is it anger, grief, the past, fear, a broken heart, disappointment, or disillusionment? Or is it dealing with a difficult co-worker, boss, spouse, child, friend, or job situation? Could it be old habits, illness, hate, a grudge, doctrines, depression, sadness, pride, vanity, greed, or turmoil? Or perhaps it’s feelings of hurt, superiority, inferiority, jealous, envy, confusion, frustration, guilt, shame, desperation, hopelessness, or helplessness? Maybe it’s being compulsive or controlling.

The list is endless!

If we turn our concerns over to God, he may not take all our troubles away, but he makes them bearable (1 Corinthians 10:13). He gives us peace. After all, sometimes God calms the storm, but sometimes the storm rages and he calms the child. As a child of God, either way, we benefit.

God can give us peace. It’s this peace from God that makes life bearable. However, we can never have it, if we don’t let go.

In the book of Romans we are asked a rhetorical question, “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?” (Romans 8:35) Truthfully, nothing can separate us from Christ’s love, which is revealed as we read further in this passage: “For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:35-39)

We cannot be separated from God’s love because he loves us regardless. He loves whether we are good or bad, whether we win or lose, or whether times are smooth or rough. Whether we believe it or not, God loves us! He sent his son Jesus Christ to die for us. Jesus Christ died for us while we were yet sinners (Romans 5:8) and there is no greater love than to die for someone (John 15:13). So God loves us. It’s a given. No matter what happens God loves us.

As Christians, perhaps the more important question to ask is whether or not we will still love God when hardships come? Don’t kid yourself into thinking Christians are immune from trials and distress. Hardships are a given in life whether we are saints or sinners. The Christian life was never promised to be without difficulties. Will we love God during the bad times as well as the good?

Our Biblical forefathers must have thought about this as well. Here are some of their conclusions:

Habakkuk: “Although the fig tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines; the labor of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be no herd in the stalls: Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in the God of my salvation.” (Habakkuk 3:17-18)

Micah: “Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD shall be a light unto me.” (Micah 7:8)

Job: “Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God, and die. But he said unto her, Thou speak as one of the foolish women speaks. What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? In all this did not Job sin with his lips.” (Job 2:9-10)

My personal favorite example is Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. When faced with the possibility of being burned alive they basically said they knew God was able to deliver them. However if God chose not to deliver them, it was okay with them. (Daniel 3:16-18) They would love and praise God no matter what he decided to do.

You see, loving and praising God is not so much about good times or bad times, or when we win or lose. It’s about loving him no matter what. After all, that’s the kind of love he gives to us!

People want to take the credit when things go well. And there is nothing wrong with working hard and wanting to be recognized for your efforts. However, we should never forget that our success or failure is in God’s hands.

When the Israelites were entering the Promised Land they were cautioned not to forget that it is God who blesses. God warns them not to think, “My power and the might of mine hand hath gotten me this wealth (Deuteronomy 8:17),” but to always remember that it is God who gives you the power to get the wealth (v. 18).

This is illustrated in the movie Shenandoah which takes place during the mid 1800s. Charlie Anderson, played by Jimmy Stewart, is a widowed farmer and family patriarch who promised his dead wife he would raise their children as Christians. So he takes the family to church each Sunday and dutifully says this prayer before every meal, “Oh Lord, we cleared this land. We plowed it and sowed it and harvested. We cooked the harvest. It wouldn’t be here and we wouldn’t be eating it if we hadn’t done it all ourselves. We worked dog bone hard for every crumb and morsel but we thank you just the same Lord for this food we’re about to eat anyway.” Well, it’s not exactly the model prayer mentioned in Matthew 6 is it? But in Charlie’s mind it suffices.

When the Civil War breaks out, Charlie faces quite a dilemma. He refuses to support the South because he’s opposed to slavery. He refuses to support the North because he is deeply opposed to war. Unfortunately he is located in the Shenandoah Valley in Virginia and remaining neutral is virtually impossible, especially after his youngest son is captured. After a quest to find his son, getting involved in a war he wanted no part of, turmoil, strife, and hardship, what remains of the family is gathered once again around the table to eat. As they bow their heads Charlie starts to pray. It’s the same prayer but in a more humble spirit. In a raspy voice he barely chokes out the words, “Oh Lord, we cleared this land. We plowed it and sowed it and harvested. We cooked the harvest. It wouldn’t be here and we wouldn’t be eating it if we hadn’t done it all ourselves.” When he says the word “ourselves,” he can say no more. He leaves the table holding back his tears and goes to his wife’s grave on a hill above the farmhouse. Charlie learned some hard lessons. He learned that he couldn’t always control everything that happened in his life. He also learned a lesson we all struggle to learn. We don’t do it all ourselves.

It’s sad that we don’t see that until we are faced with trials we can’t control. I wonder if we aren’t sometimes guilty of praying that first prayer. Paying God homage but secretly thinking we are doing it all. Maybe we can get by with that kind of prayer for a while, until God allows a trial to bring us down to reality. Whether we believe it or not, God is in control. It may appear we are doing all the dog bone hard work, but there is a higher power who allows us to clear, plow, and sow. He provides sunshine and rain for the growth. And then if He so wills, allows us to harvest, cook, and eat.

We may be doing the work, but it is God who blesses the effort.