Being a mom, one of my favorite holidays is (you guessed it!) Mother’s Day! I love my three kids dearly – especially now that they are all grown, have their own places, their own incomes, and their own lives. I don’t care if they remember my birthday or not. I don’t need to be reminded that I am aging rapidly? (I’m now so old I lie about my kid’s ages!) However, come Mother’s Day – I want my due: the corny “I love MOM” mug, a dinner out, movie night, “My Mom is the best” magnet, flowers, candy, money, or anything else they want to give me. After all, much pain is associated with having children – and I’m not just talking about childbirth.
Famous mothers abound. There’s Rose Kennedy, Joan Crawford (Mommy Dearest), Clair Huxtable, “Ma” Barker, Olivia Walton, Mother Jones, Mother Teresa and so on. But for my money there was no one who better personified real motherhood than Erma Bombeck. The death of this humorist left a void still unfilled.
I’m not sure how her old columns and books, especially Motherhood the Second Oldest Profession, would impact today’s moms, but I will always remember Erma fondly as the one mother who gave me permission to be the imperfect, real me – without guilt, shame, or regret – and laugh about it in the process!
You have to realize it was a different era. Moms who worked outside the home were the minority. Women were expected to cook three meals a day, keep a sparkling clean house, raise impeccable children, car pool, mow the lawn, do the laundry and actually iron clothes, plus greet your husband with a kiss and a martini when he walked in the door at night. Scandalous???? Yes, but it is what it is and that’s the way it was.
Erma had the audacity to ask why men were incapable of changing the toilet paper roll and state that housework, if done right, could kill you. After all, no one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. Her theory was that if the item didn’t multiply, smell, catch on fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one cares? Why should I? And there was the problem, I think. Women were doing all of this stuff and no one seemed to care or appreciate it – least of all the husband and kids.
Here are some of my favorite Bombeck quotes on motherhood:
- Hair can be as long, as shabby, and as dirty as it wants to be…as long as it’s on someone else’s son.
- Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
- Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named “Top Call Girl” by the League.
- I once spent more time writing a note of instructions to a babysitter than I did on my first book.
- I had so much food spit in my face when my kids were small I put windshield wipers on my glasses.
- It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.
- There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.
- The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment’s anxiety, and was never a child.
In the midst of her humor she would insert a gem to keep for life:
- When humor goes, there goes the civilization.
- Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
- When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, “I used everything you gave me.”
- It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
She also said, “Children make your life important.” I think of that one when Mother’s Day rolls around. I don’t really feel all that important, but I can tell you this – my children have made life worth living.
