One More Year of Choices…

By Barbara Dahlgren

The old television show Hee-Haw had a humorous segment with four women called the Gossip Girls singing something like this…

“Now, we’re not ones to go ’round spreadin’ rumors,

Why, really we’re just not the gossipy kind,

No, you’ll never hear one of us repeating gossip,

So you’d better be sure and listen close the first time!”

Pretty funny, huh?

Gossip can have many sides. In fact, some gossip can be good, some bad, and some ugly.

Good Gossip

Is there such a thing as good gossip? Actually gossip has several meanings. One is to exchange light, trivial chitchat. It’s a sort of mutual sharing of information. “Mary used a new hair coloring.” “John got a new car.” “Julie had a baby.” It’s usually common knowledge that one wouldn’t mind sharing with others. This kind of socialization helps us learn to relate to others and can be bonding.

Bad Gossip

However, a second meaning is to spread rumors, usually of a sensitive or intimate nature. Don’t we just love being privy to some juicy, personal tidbit about someone else? It doesn’t even matter if it’s true or not. People may not start out telling half-truths but by the time they tell their closest friends who tell their closest friends who tell their closest friends, the truth can get pretty distorted, but we believe it anyway. As the saying goes, “Some people will believe anything if it’s whispered to them.”

This type of gossip can be harmful and hurtful. Bad gossip is when you have to abruptly stop a conversation because the person being talked about comes into the room. When you are afraid to say it to a person’s face, it can’t be good to repeat.

Ugly Gossip

Ugly gossip deliberately tries to damage a person’s reputation, which goes beyond sharing something you’ve heard. These are lies designed to cause pain and grief. With the Internet, they are all too easy to spread. Unfortunately, when people see something in print, they believe it even more than something whispered in the ear.

This type of gossip can seem quite impersonal, unless you are the target of such maliciousness. School bullies use this technique on kids they don’t like. This cyberbullying results in many young people committing suicide. They even have a term for it called “bullycide.”

No wonder the Bible says, “A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends. (Proverbs 16:28 – NLT) It also says, “What dainty morsels rumors are—but they sink deep into one’s heart.” (Proverbs 18:8 – NLT)

Consider this… Gossip is like a feather blowing in the wind from place to place. Take ten feathers and release them in a breeze. Then try to retrieve them. It would be an impossible task. Gossip is similar to this. Once we utter gossip, we can’t really get it back because it is blowing around from place to place.

Suggestions for practicing this choice…

• If you have a problem with someone, sort it out between the two of you. Don’t tell everyone else about it.
• Be objective when someone shares discontent with you. Remember, you are only getting one person’s side of the story.
• When someone starts gossiping to you, change the subject. If a simple deflection won’t work then say, “This conversation is getting really negative. Why don’t we talk about something else?” Or say, “I really don’t feel comfortable talking about people behind their backs.”
• Don’t say anything about people to others that you would not say in front of them.
• Think about this acronym when you speak of others.

                                    True – Is it true?
                                    Helpful – Is it helpful?
                                    Inspiring – Is it inspiring?
                                    Necessary – Is it necessary?
                                    Kind – Is it kind?

Since someone shared this with me and I’m sharing it with you, let’s just say this is some good gossip you can share with anyone who tries to share bad gossip with you – to keep rumors from getting ugly.  

One More Year of Choices…

By Barbara Dahlgren  

I recently read an article about a woman who wanted her husband to put his dirty clothes in the laundry hamper instead of dropping them on the floor. The author went to great length explaining that there was probably some sort of underlying, psychological reason why the man didn’t want to put the dirty clothes in the hamper. I’m not singling out men here. Some women have the same problem. The author felt that if they could get to the core of the reason behind the action, the problem would be solved.

Honestly???? Give me a break. Here’s a reason for you: people just don’t want to do certain things, so they don’t do them.

I am so tired of people trying to explain away their bad habits. I don’t doubt we could solve the world’s problems by getting to the psychological reasons of why we do what we do, but that doesn’t stop our bad habits. Bad habits are there because we have allowed them to become an ingrained part of our lives. To understand why we do something is marvelous; to stop doing it is something else entirely.

Now it might be a little different if this couple were not living in a shared space. If a person had a room of his/her own and wanted to leave clothes all over the place, then so be it. Or if this couple could afford a cleaning lady to come in daily, so be it. More power to them! Problem solved. But if other arrangements can’t be reached, then this couple should learn to work together on the problem, agreements must be made, and a mutual plan of action taken. Or else they will just have to learn to live with dirty clothes scattered around and stop complaining about it. Because complaining about another’s bad habits does not change the situation.

Picking up dirty clothes is fairly small in comparison to other areas of our lives. However, it could be a metaphor for just about any behavior. People have to learn to function in society. Jobs must be done or people get fired. Bills must be paid on time or fines and penalties occur. Good grooming might be necessary if one wants friends.

We all have excuses for what we do or don’t do, and while they may be valid, they might not help us lead happier lives co-existing with others. As the Bible says, something might be lawful but not expedient, or it might be permissible but not beneficial. (1 Corinthians 6:12) In other words, just because we can justify what we do, doesn’t mean it’s the best course of action to do it.

Does that mean we are unsympathetic because some people have to struggle with certain issues more than others? No! It means just because we understand why people do certain things does not give them license to do it. Just because we have an excuse for what we do doesn’t mean we should continue doing it.

Consider this… People don’t care if we are having a bad hair day, have eaten too much sugar, have a chemical imbalance, were poor as children, had parents who paid more attention to our siblings than us, were potty trained too early or late, have a temper because we’re Irish, are lazy because we never had to go out and get a job, or are slobs because our mothers picked up after us. And while these may be valid reasons for the bad habits we’ve acquired through the years, at some point we have to stop making excuses for ourselves and just do what we should do: get up, pick up, clean up, and grow up!

Suggestions for practicing this choice…

• Learn to take responsibility for your actions. Occasionally you might have to say, “I’m sorry. I was wrong. I shouldn’t have done that.” It won’t kill you. Taking responsibility actually gives you a certain kind of personal power.
• Believe it or not, people already know you are not perfect. So when mistakes are made, learn what you can and move on.
• When you find yourself making an excuse, ask yourself why. Is it to get out of trouble? Is it to justify bad behavior? Is it to avoid responsibility? Is it to do what you want rather than what should be done? If the answer is yes, better make some changes.
• Never say you can’t change. Everyone can change. What you really mean is that you choose not to make changes because change is difficult. At least be honest with yourself.
• Remember this quote from Benjamin Franklin. “He who is good at making excuses is seldom good for anything else.”

One More Year of Choices…

By Barbara Dahlgren

We live in a society where people do not want to accept responsibility for their actions. If people spill hot coffee on themselves, it’s the restaurant’s fault for making the coffee too hot. If a person shoots someone, it’s the gun manufacturer’s fault. If a person drives drunk, it’s the bartender’s fault. If a child misbehaves, it’s the music industry’s fault. If a smoker dies from lung cancer, it’s the tobacco industry’s fault. Should gun manufacturers, restaurants, bartenders, the music industry, cigarette makers, and others act more responsibly? Yes! Are they to blame for the choices we make? No!

To go a step further, our culture places blame on circumstances, parents, the media, our plight, or anything else that will minimize our own faults. While it’s true our lives are heavily influenced by environment and heredity, there comes a time when we need to shape the clay of our lives into what we want and stop blaming our parents, our lack of luck, or the times we live in for who we are. Who we are today does not have to be who we are tomorrow.

Human beings are experts at making excuses. They “wah, wah, wah, wah” their way through life saying things like: “I wasn’t told. I never had an opportunity. Everybody is doing it. They owe it to me. They don’t treat me right. They don’t like me. It’s not my fault.”

This proclivity to blame others for our circumstances and poor choices is not new. It’s been going on since the time of Adam and Eve. If you read Genesis 3, you’ll see that when God asked Adam why he disobeyed by eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, Adam blamed Eve. Then Eve blamed the serpent. Adam went so far as to say to God, “It’s the woman, YOU gave me!” Now it was God’s fault. Everyone wanted to blame somebody else. And so the pattern was set, and we’ve been blaming someone else for what we do ever since.

Even though a pattern was set doesn’t mean it can’t and shouldn’t be altered. It can begin with us. We can make an effort to change our circumstances. We can also say, “I made a mistake. I’m sorry.” We need to be accountable in school, with parents, with kids, in marriage, to employers, to employees, with the government, with our neighbors, with our friends, and with God. If we start to accept responsibility for some of our lesser poor choices, we might learn something. Maybe we’ll learn to make better and wiser choices in the future.

Suggestions for practicing this choice…

• If you are in a bit of a mess, ask yourself how you could have avoided it. Learn what lessons you can, and try not to make the same mistakes again.
• It won’t kill you to admit you’re wrong occasionally. Try it! Repeat after me. “I was wrong. I am sorry.” Say it again. “I was wrong. I am sorry.” You can do it. Give it a try.
• Just because you make mistakes does not mean you are unlovable. God loves you. Your spouse loves you. Your kids love you. Your parents love you… Well, God loves you!
• Read the following quote by Dr. Wayne Dyer often. “All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.” In other words, blame does not change you or your circumstances. It is totally unproductive.
• Don’t play the blame game because you will always lose!

By Barbara Dahlgren

Each New Year we make resolutions to help us change our lives for the better. Although we usually have every intention of keeping them, all too soon they are abandoned because change is hard. Most of us want changes to instantly happen without any effort on our part. We think if we write them down they will miraculously come to pass. Unfortunately, that’s not how it works.

That’s why for the past two years I’ve resolved not to make resolutions, but to focus on daily choices instead. My 2015 blog posts were devoted to choices. The response was so positive that I continued with another year of choices in 2016. That result was positive as well, so I’m doing another year of choices for 2017, but with a bit of a twist.

Some choices are proactive, and some are a little more passive but just as important. In other words, what we choose not to do is as important as what we choose to do. On the surface, consciously “choosing not” to do something may seem complacent, perfunctory, or lazy. I assure you that it is not any of these things. In fact, what we “choose not” to do can take a great deal of thought and self-control, plus save us a lot of present and future trouble. So this year we will focus on “choosing not” to do certain things.

Here are some givens in life: God has forgiven us for our sins. Nothing we can do will ever earn us salvation because it is a gift from God. (Ephesians 2:8) Nothing we can do will make God love us anymore than He already does.

However, even though God gives us salvation, grace, and love, He does not automatically give us good habits or moral character. Those qualities are determined by the choices we make.

Consider this…Right choices bring peace of mind; bad choices bring difficulty.

God does not need to zap us when we do something wrong, because wrong choices bring their own penalties. When we make wrong choices, we punish ourselves. It’s the cause and effect principle. What we sow, we reap. The seeds we sow today determine the harvest we reap tomorrow. Although God always forgives us when we make poor choices, the effects remain and we have to deal with and live with them. Choices set off a chain of events which shape our lives, and sometimes the lives of those around us.

While it is true that time and chance happen, many of our problems could be avoided if we trained ourselves to make better choices. A lot of trials are brought on because of our poor choices; other trials may not be our fault, but still we must choose how to respond to them. So there is always an element of choice in everything we do.

The Bible is full of exhortations encouraging us to walk in the way of the Lord. As we read the Bible we can listen for God’s voice whispering to us, “This is the way, walk ye in it.” (Isaiah 30:21) God exhorts us to do this or don’t do that, but the choice is ours.

So here we go with one more year of choices! If we resolve to day by day make better choices, we will be a lot happier – and so will everyone around us.

Some choice quotes about choices…

“It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.” ~Roy Disney, co-founder of Walt Disney Productions

“We all make choices, but in the end our choices make us.” ~Ken Levine, video game designer and author

“It is our choices that show what we truly are far more than our abilities.” ~J.K. Rowling, author

“When it snows you have two choices: shovel or make snow angels.” ~Anonymous

“Do not envy a man of violence and do not choose any of his ways.” ~Proverbs 3:31

“One’s philosophy is not best expressed in words. It is expressed in the choices one makes. In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Another Year of Choices

By Barbara Dahlgren

People keep or observe Christmas for a few reasons. For adults, it’s a time for families to get together. For parents, it’s a time to give gifts to their children. For children, it’s time to get presents. For Christians, it’s all of these plus a time to celebrate the birth of Christ.

The birth of Christ is very significant. Yet, long before His birth there was something wonderful – the promise of His coming and the promise of redemption for mankind which was all foretold in Scripture.

Psalm 130:7-8 told us, “O Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with Him is full redemption. He will redeem Israel from all their sins.”

Jeremiah 23:4-5 said a day was coming when God would raise up a king who would reign wisely and do what was right. His name would be “The Lord Our Righteousness.”

Isaiah 9:6-7 told us, “Unto us a child will be born, to us a Son is given, and the government will be on His shoulders. He will be called: Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, and Prince of Peace.”

Isaiah 11:2-5 said the Spirit of the Lord would rest on Him, and the spirit of wisdom, understanding, counsel, power, knowledge, fear of the Lord. He would not judge by what He saw or heard but with righteousness.

Over 300 prophecies were fulfilled through the birth of Jesus, His life, His ministry, His death and resurrection. Not just the promise of Christ’s coming was revealed in Scripture but the details of how it would take place. This miraculous event was not some afterthought, but totally planned by God.

He would be from the tribe of Judah (Genesis 49:10/Luke 3:3), a descendant of Abraham (Genesis 12:3/Matthew 1:1), Isaac (Genesis 17:19/Luke 3:24), Jacob (Numbers 24:17/Matthew 1:2), Jesse (Isaiah 11:10/Romans 15:12), and David (Jeremiah 23:5-6/Matthew 1:1).

He would be born of a woman (Genesis 3:15/Galatians 4:4), a virgin (Isaiah 7:11/Luke 1:26-31) in Bethlehem (Micah 5:2/Luke 2:4-7), worshipped by shepherds (Psalm 72:9/Luke 2:8-15), and honored by kings (Psalm 72:10,17/Isaiah 60:3/Matthew 2:1-11). The slaughter of children (Jeremiah 31:15/Matthew 2:16-18) and flight to Egypt (Hosea 11:1/Matthew 2:14-15) were foretold as well. The list goes on and on.

So Christ’s birth was significant!

Consider this… So significant was the birth of Christ that the world splits history, calendars, and time lines into two segments: BC which means before Christ and AD which means “in the year of our Lord” indicating after Christ was born.

To show the significance of Christ being born, an angel was sent by God on the night of His birth to announce His arrival. “Do not be afraid, I bring you good tidings of joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior who is Christ the Lord.” (Luke 2:10-11) Sounds like a reason to celebrate to me!

Christ is the Savior for all, so I don’t worry too much about those who keep Christmas without focusing on Christ. They may not even know Christ, yet. However, they are actually celebrating a holiday about Christ’s birth. They may try to say that’s not what they are celebrating, but how can they get around it? Christmas literally means Christ’s Mass. So, ironically, whether people want it to or not, it commemorates and celebrates Christ’s birth!

The true gift of Christmas won’t be found under a tree, but in the presence of Jesus in our lives. That’s why, as we celebrate, we thank God for this indescribable gift! (2 Corinthians 9:15) This gift of Christ was sent not to condemn us, but to redeem us! (John 3:17) His name is Emmanuel which means God with us. We never have to be afraid or feel alone again. He is our good tidings of joy, sent for all people – from the poorest shepherd to the richest Magi! To me, that’s something to celebrate!

Suggestions for practicing this choice…

Here are some Christmas quotes to read at Christmastime. They can put us in the true Christmas spirit.

• “He who has not Christmas in his heart, will never find it under a tree.” ~Roy L. Smith
•  “This is the message of Christmas: we are never alone.” ~Taylor Caldwell
• “Blessed is the season that engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.” ~Hamilton  Wright Mabie
• “Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone.” ~Charles Schulz
• “I will honor Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all the year.” ~Ebenezer Scrooge from a  Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

And my favorite Christmas prayer is by Robert Louis Stevenson. How I miss the poets of old!

Oh God,

Help us remember the birth of Jesus, that we may share in the song of the angels, the gladness of the shepherds, and the worship of the wise men.

Close the door of hate and open the door of love all over the world. Let kindness come with every gift and good desires with every greeting. Deliver us from evil by the blessing which Christ brings, and teach us to be merry with clear hearts.

May the Christmas morning make us happy to be thy children, and Christmas evening bring us to our beds with grateful thoughts, forgiving and forgiven for Jesus’ sake.

Amen

Another Year of Choices

By Barbara Dahlgren

Most of us are in the midst of Christmas shopping. Choosing the right gift for someone can be a challenge. Those of us who don’t have money to buy expensive gifts to lavish on loved ones or even put a dollar or two in Santa’s Salvation Army bucket may feel a little down. But do not despair! There are gifts you can give that cost little or nothing, yet are very valuable.

Here’s a list I’ve come up with, and I’m sure you can add your own ideas. Just because you can’t buy gifts for others doesn’t mean you don’t have something to give. Think about giving the following…

Smiles: Smiles are a universal language. Not only do smiles lift spirits, they are contagious. Statistics show that a person who is given a smile will more than likely give one to someone else. So as the old song goes, “Smile, darn ya, smile!”

“Be glad in the LORD, and rejoice, ye righteous: and shout for joy, all ye that are upright in heart.” (Psalm 32:11)

Handwritten Note of Appreciation: Has someone done you a kindness? Why not give them a handwritten note of appreciation? With e-mail and text messaging being the norm for communication today, a hand written note could turn out to be a collector’s item.

“I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.” (Philippians 1:3) 

Encouragement: Words like “you did a great job,” “thank you for your help,” and “don’t you look nice today” can make someone’s day.

“Therefore encourage one another and build up one another…” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

Laughter: Why not clip and share a funny, yet tasteful, cartoon with someone? Sharing a laugh can even improve one’s health. Studies show that those who laugh more live longer.

“A merry heart is good medicine…” (Proverbs 17:22)

Patience: Try not to get irritated with ANYONE for the whole holiday season. Don’t raise your voice in anger or lash out at others. We all make mistakes from time to time, so we don’t need others constantly pointing them out to us.

“In your patience possess ye your souls.” (Luke 21:10) 

Benefit of the Doubt: Think the best of others for a change. Don’t impute motives or assume they are doing things to deliberately upset you. Sometimes we just take things the wrong way.

“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” (Philippians 4:8) 

Give People a Break: Open the door for someone. Let someone go ahead of you in line. Give the other guy the parking space. It won’t hurt you as much as you think.

“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.” (Philippians 2:3)

Visit One Person in a Nursing Home: So many that are in nursing homes have no one to visit them. Our dream as a young person is not to end up old and alone. Ask the nursing home attendant if there is anyone who never has visitors, then visit a little with that person. Listen more than talk. The elderly love sharing childhood stories. They are living history lessons.

^“Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, ‘Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.’” (Matthew 25:39,40)

Forgive: Remember that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. Let go and let God take care of it.

“For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:” (Matthew 6:14)

Be a Living Example of Jesus Christ: Be a reflection of Christ. Let others see that Christ is alive and living in you. What a great gift to give to others!

“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.” (Matthew 5:16) 

Consider this… ‘Tis the season to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior Christ. Remember to thank God for Jesus, His gift to the world.

“Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!” (2 Corinthians 9:15)

Suggestions for practicing this choice…

Not much money? Here are some inexpensive ideas for giving this holiday season.

• Give a candy cane and a smile to people you come in contact with during the Christmas season.
• Give a coupon good for a night of babysitting, one free house cleaning, a hug when needed, a home cooked meal, a free car wash, etc.
• Give a zip lock bag of homemade cookies to others with a recipe card. If it’s a family recipe, write a memory about these cookies your mother or grandmother used to make.
• Give two heartfelt notes in envelopes with “why I love you” or “why I’m glad you’re my friend” or “why you make the world a little brighter” or something similar written on them. On one write “open now” and on the other write “open on January 1” or six months from now or whenever you would like it opened.
• Give a compliment, say thank you, listen to others, and be respectful. You may think these gifts are insignificant, but in today’s society they are priceless treasures. Just remember – it’s not what you give from your wallet that counts as much as what you give from your heart.

Another Year of Choices

By Barbara Dahlgren

After doing a little Christmas shopping at Costco, I smiled at a middle-aged woman who was going in as I was heading for the parking lot. (Actually, I don’t know how old she was because now that I’m over 65 I view the people’s ages in a different light. Let’s just say she wasn’t young.) Anyway, the lady looked at me and said, “Are they any nicer in there than they are out here?”

Hmmmm, I thought. “I’m not sure,” I said, “but I hope I am!”

December is a hectic time of year. Christmas preparations can weigh us down and give us the gloomies. Parties, decorating the house, business mailings, working extra hours, long lines, traffic jams, and family time can take its toll on our nerves and tempers. And then there’s trying to find the right gift for each person on your list. Gift giving can be expensive. However, I think I know a present you can give to everyone you see at this time of year and it doesn’t cost a thing. SMILE!

Smiles are the perfect gift for all genders, all cultures, all languages, all races, and all ages. They can be given to friends, relatives, business associates, and strangers. One size fits all, and they are guaranteed to make a person look younger and attractive.

A smile is the gift that keeps on giving. It benefits the giver and the recipient. Research shows that smiles can change moods, relieve stress, boost the immune system, lower blood pressure, plus release endorphins, natural painkillers, and serotonin in the body.

Smiles are contagious – in a good way. Daniel Goleman, PhD and author of Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships explains a key to understanding this is called mirror neurons. We all have mirror neurons. Goleman says their only job is to “recognize a smile and make you smile in return.” Of course the same goes for a frown. So you choose. Would you rather have people frowning at you or smiling? Did you know even faking a smile can lead to feeling happier?

We can even learn something from babies. A newborn shows preference for a smiling face over a non-smiling face, and babies give special smiles of joy and happiness for their loved ones. Speaking of babies, what about the one this season represents? Jesus came so people would have something to smile about. Before He came, there was no hope. There was great celebration when Jesus was born. “And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, ‘Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.’” (Luke 2:8-14)

Christmas is about celebrating! It’s all about smiles. You can decorate, party, shop, sing carols, and even spend time with your family, but if you aren’t smiling, you aren’t really celebrating.

Smile! You can do it. It won’t hurt much! It takes no extra time or money. It’s a gift that keeps on giving and comes back to you. I can’t help but think that when we smile at others, Jesus smiles at us.

Suggestions for practicing this choice…

• Smile when you first get up in the morning, even if no one will see you. It sets the tone for the day.
• Smile at people you meet throughout the day, whether they smile back at you or not. It can help set the tone for their day.
• Smile before you answer the phone. It sets the tone for your voice inflection.
• Smile when you hear Christmas music and think about Christ being born. It sets the tone for your spiritual life.
• Smile right before you go to bed at night and thank God for little things that happened throughout the day. It sets the tone for a better night’s sleep.

Another Year of Choices

By Barbara Dahlgren

Our brains were designed to be social. Studies show the gray matter between our ears is actually busy every moment, picking up messages and responding. Two-time Pulitzer nominee Daniel Goreman reinforces this in his book Social Intelligence. Goreman says, “The brain itself is social.” Not only that, but mirror neurons actually cause people to respond to what they see or feel. This is why smiles, frowns, and yawns are contagious.

Yet, as relational as we long to be, loneliness prevails. We have more methods of instant communication available than ever before, such as computers, e-mail, the Internet, cell phones, and text messaging – which might be part of the problem. Internet users spend less time socializing one-on-one with others. Conversations take place on phones, but reading another’s body language through airwaves is impossible. And text messaging has created an abbreviated language lacking in the written and verbal nuances once needed to interact with others. Exactly how many BFFs can one have in a lifetime? We might be communicating more through technology but socializing less.

Some of us are our own worst enemies. We retreat from life and have unrealistic expectations, not realizing that loneliness can lead to depression manifesting itself under the mask of withdrawal, anxiety, lack of motivation, and sadness.

Nowhere do loneliness and depression go hand in hand more than during holiday seasons – especially at Christmas time. Some can cope with loneliness during the rest of the year, but Christmas is when people are getting together with friends and families. If someone feels isolated from family members or doesn’t have close friends, loneliness and depression are intensified.

That’s why newspaper and magazine articles, plus countless blogs, are written with helpful hints on combatting the Christmas blues. The major emphasis of these hints seems to be on getting the focus off “self” and on to others. The skeptic might say, “This is easier said than done when I have no ‘others’ in my life.” The answer might be to enlarge the sphere of focus and go find some “others.”

For example, one could: help in a homeless shelter; visit those in a Veteran’s facility; hospital or nursing home; send a care package to a soldier; do random acts of kindness; or invite others who will be alone to your home for a potluck. Visiting the fatherless and widowed is another option (James 1:27). The key is to find people who are worse off than you and give, give, give. Believe it or not, there are people lonelier than you. And a person doesn’t have to give much to be appreciated. A candy cane and a smile can lift someone’s spirits.

If you are invited to somebody’s home, why not accept without feeling like you are infringing on someone else’s family time? You could always go for a while and leave early. Bring a bottle of wine or sparkling cider or a poinsettia. Sometimes it’s easier to refuse an invitation so we can stay in our comfort zone.

Connecting with others and with Christ might make us feel a bit uncomfortable, but remember – solutions to problems usually take us out of our comfort zones.

Consider this… God created us to be relational. Christmas isn’t about gifts; it’s about relationships. Jesus came to be with us. Emmanuel means “God with us.” He wants to be with you and me. As we make a small move towards God, He embraces us with open arms.

I pray that Christmas brings you joy, faith, hope, love, and a step closer to connecting with Christ and others – all the gifts that can’t be bought, even at Neiman Marcus.

Suggestions for practicing this choice…

• One of my favorite Christmas quotes comes from Taylor Caldwell who said, “This is the true message of Christmas: we are not alone!” Repeat this quote often during this Christmas season. Remember, Emmanuel means “God with us!”
• Today, pick a specific person to pray for. Do some little thing for this person to cheer him/her or make life easier.
• Tomorrow, pick a different person to pray for. Do some little thing for this person to cheer him/her or make life easier.
• Try not to complain so much and ditch the “woe is me” attitude. Sure you may have problems, but so does everyone else. Focus on what you have, not what you want. Be thankful.
• Don’t isolate yourself. Accept an invitation. Go to a Christmas pageant. Volunteer somewhere. Call an aging aunt or uncle and listen to them talk about the good old days. Ask God to reveal ways you can get more involved in life!

Another Year of Choices

By Barbara Dahlgren

A radio talk show host in our area asked people to call in and tell him what influences your life and fills you up.  Then he added, “…but don’t call me and tell me about Jesus.”  This is just another indication of how many in our nation are quick to reject God.  Yet we are a nation blessed above all nations and all blessings come from God.  Fortunately, God has not rejected us.  He does things for us that we don’t even know about.

Hosea lived during the last twenty-five years of Israel’s existence as a nation.  It was a time of political upheaval, anarchy and bloodshed.  Israel’s spiritual condition had deteriorated.  They were involved in idolatry, adultery, and drunkenness.  Hosea tried to bring them to their senses.  He preached about God’s character, righteousness, omnipotence, and loving kindness.  He reminded them of the covenant they entered into with God.  Then he prepared them for the impending doom of the nation because of their unfaithfulness.

While reading Hosea, one passage got me thinking about all God does for us.  Hosea 11:1-4 says, “When Israel was a child, then I loved him, and called my son out of Egypt…I taught Ephraim also to go, taking them by their arms; but they knew not that I healed them.  I drew them with cords of a man, with bands of love: and I was to them as they that take off the yoke on their jaws, and I laid meat unto them.”

I especially love the phrase, “They knew not that I healed them…”

Consider this…Could there be acts of loving kindness God has done for our nation or for us personally that we didn’t know about? How many acts of terrorism has God averted that we didn’t know about? How many times has He protected us or our loved ones that we didn’t know about? How many times has He led, strengthened, encouraged, and comforted us that we didn’t know about?

It’s all so easy to appear self-sufficient, but we must remember every blessing comes from God. The Thanksgiving holiday has passed, but our thankfulness should never cease.  As we thank God for the blessings we see, let’s not forget to thank Him for all the things He does for us that we don’t know about.

Suggestions for practicing this choice…

• Say a little prayer of thanksgiving when you first get out of bed to start your day. Something like, “Thank you, Lord, for another day of life!” It can get your day started on a positive note.
• Many people say grace or a “thank you for this food” prayer before they eat. However, if it is not convenient to do so, you can still say one in your mind. God knows our thoughts.
• 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says to give thanks in everything. In other words, even if things aren’t going well, we can still find something to be thankful for.
• Just because God doesn’t give us everything we ask for doesn’t mean He isn’t actively involved in our lives. Listen to the song Unanswered Prayers by Garth Brooks occasionally.
• Don’t forget to thank God for all the things He does for us that we may not be aware of.

Another Year of Choices

By Barbara Dahlgren

When the Israelites were getting ready to go into the land God had promised them, Moses told them they would prosper. They would have food, shelter, money, livestock, and just about anything they could desire. Then he cautioned them not to say, “my power and the might of my own hand have gotten me this wealth,” but to remember “the Lord your God, for it is He who gives you power to get wealth…” (Deuteronomy 8:17, 18)

That’s a caution well worth heeding. Yes, we may work hard, and on the surface it looks like we earn our reward, but our effort would be in vain without God’s blessing. It is God who gives us the resources to accomplish and the strength to endure.

Consider this… When the scripture says, “Remember the Lord your God, for it is He who gives….” it is a subtle way of saying, “Give Him thanks!”

When the Pilgrims came to a new land, they had no illusions of thinking their survival was due to their might. Without the help of the Native Americans, they would have perished. Even then, it is said that in the first year they made seven times more graves than huts. Still, when the harvest was in they gave thanks to God. They chose to focus on what they did have and be thankful for it, instead of focusing on what they didn’t have.

So many times we pray to God asking Him for this or that. We focus on what we don’t have. Our wants and needs get blurred. As we approach another Thanksgiving Day, think about this: Saying, “Thank you” to God for what you have could be the most meaningful prayer you could ever utter.

Psalm 92:1 (KJV) “It is a good thing to give thanks unto the Lord…”

Suggestions for practicing this choice…

• Keep a daily gratitude journal.
• If you don’t like to journal, keep a running list of three things you are thankful for each day. Try not to repeat anything.
• Say “Thank you” to each and every person who does something for you. Everyone! Even thank the waiter who takes your order or the guy who bags your groceries. Sure they are getting paid to do it, but a “thank you” from you can make their jobs a little more tolerable.
• Try a little positive meditation. Each night when you snuggle into bed, don’t mentally rehash all the bad things that happened that day, focus on everything that went right – no matter how small. Even in the worst of circumstances, there is always something we can be thankful for.
• For a whole week instead of “gimme, gimme, gimme” prayers, ask God to help you remember all the wonderful things He’s done for you in the past and thank Him. One of the sweetest prayers God can hear from your lips is a heartfelt, “Thank You, Lord!”