Barbara's Banter

Yet Another Year of Choices

By Barbara Dahlgren

In December 2003, a big earthquake hit central California. It was the biggest earthquake to hit the area since 1952 and one of the most widely felt in California history. The jolt stemmed from a fault line near San Simeon where the famed Hearst Castle is located. Buildings as far away as San Francisco swayed and many in nearby Paso Robles collapsed including their historic Clock Tower, causing two deaths. Paso Robles was 24 miles from the epicenter. Oddly enough Hearst Castle, which was only 11 miles from the epicenter, sustained very little damage. One might ask, “Why?”

The answer could be because of Julia Morgan who designed the famed Hearst Castle. She was a woman way ahead of her time. Born in San Francisco, Morgan was the only woman to complete a civil engineering degree from the University of California in 1872. While other ladies dreamed of marriage and babies, Morgan dreamed of building the houses they would live in. She traveled to Paris to study architecture but was refused admission for two years because she was a woman. They eventually were forced to accept her after she won almost every prestigious architecture competition in Europe.

After returning to San Francisco, she opened her “Julia Morgan: Architect” office and never lacked for business. In 1919, William Randolph Hearst chose Julia Morgan to design the “ranch,” his affectionate term for Hearst Castle, in central California’s sleepy hamlet of San Simeon. Morgan’s engineering and architectural background as well as her experience using reinforced concrete made her well suited for the enormous task. She spent the next 25 years working closely with Hearst on every detail of the Castle. They discussed everything from structure design to purchasing and placing antiques and works of art – even which vacuum cleaner to buy.  

Rumors would have us believe that Hearst plucked Julia from obscurity and took a chance by giving her this golden opportunity but not so. Julia Morgan had a 20 year, well established career by the time she met him. Some Hearst Castle tour guides say that Morgan was chosen because her buildings withstood the 1906 earthquake. That is not documented but may be closer to the truth. In any case, her Hearst Castle withstood the 2003 earthquake which adds to her legacy.

Let’s contrast that to the collapse of the 111-year-old historic Clock Tower of Paso Robles, which was renovated just 12 years before the 2003 earthquake. Unfortunately, during the renovation no one took the time, effort, or expense to reinforced it so it would withstand an earthquake, even though Paso Robles is located near a well-known fault zone.

It reminds me of the old biblical parable about the wise man and foolish man. (Matthew 7:24-27) The foolish man built his house on the sand and when the rains came, it collapsed. The wise man built his house on the rock and when the rains came, it stood firm. A good foundation can make all the difference in the world. Do we have one? God makes a mighty good foundation. In fact, Matthew 7:24 says, “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.”

Consider this… If we want to withstand the earthquakes in life, we need a good, spiritual foundation.

One final thought…

You can’t build a great building on a weak foundation. It will eventually collapse.

Yet Another Year of Choices

By Barbara Dahlgren

Ever since Norman Cousins’ bestselling 1979 book Anatomy of an Illness as Perceived by the Patient: Reflections on Healing and Regeneration was published, more and more studies have surfaced to promote the healing power of humor. Cousins was editor of The Saturday Review for almost forty years. When stricken with a life-threatening arthritic disease, the almost paralyzed Cousins was given only a few months to live. He didn’t seem to be making good progress with his drug treatment, so he left the hospital and prescribed himself a healthy dose of laughter. 

He watched old Marx Brothers’ movies, among other things, and read humor books. He discovered that “ten minutes of genuine belly laughter had an anesthetic effect and would give me at least two hours of pain-free sleep.” To the amazement of his doctors, he slowly regained the use of his limbs and recovered.

Since then a number of studies have been done on humor therapy. They are finding that laughter can boost the immune system, provide higher pain tolerance, increase respiratory capacity, reduce heart attack risk, help control diabetic blood sugar levels, relax muscles, decrease stress hormones, and curb allergy symptoms. Some findings show laughter can have some of the same positive effects as exercise. So don’t feel guilty watching those old I Love Lucy reruns unless, of course, you are chowing down on chips and dip. Even laughter has its limitations!

Voltaire said, “The art of medicine consists of keeping the patient amused while nature heals the disease.” Or more simply put, “A cheerful heart is good medicine.” (Proverbs 17:21) Laughter is good medicine and, coupled with a positive attitude, creates a deadly combination…or should I say life-affirming combination.

It’s one thing to laugh at the antics of another in a movie, TV show, book, cartoon, or comic monologue but quite another to see the funny side of everyday life. It would behoove all of us to look at small annoyances as small annoyances and not life-shattering events. Humor can give us a sense of perspective on our problems.

Unfortunately, some grumps wouldn’t laugh if you wiggled a feather on the bottom of their foot or any other part of their anatomy. People who can’t laugh could start with smiling. It’s something they can force so no one knows what grumps they are.

Consider this… Studies show that even a forced smile makes a person happier and lessens stress. So it not only enhances your life but the lives of those you meet.

Or you can buy a clown nose and wear it. Hey – do whatever works for you because laughter is good medicine.

One final thought…

We don’t laugh because we’re happy. We are happy because we laugh.

Yet Another Year of Choices

By Barbara Dahlgren

 When I was 16 I had a rude awakening. (Actually, I had many rude awakenings at 16, but I’ll just focus on one in this article.) It happened at a sleepover. There we were – six giggly girls in pajamas all barefoot. Suddenly, I looked at one girl’s foot and said, “Your foot is shaped kind of funny, isn’t it?”

She said, “I don’t think so.” To prove her point, we all formed a little circle and put one foot in the middle. To my chagrin, everyone’s feet looked the same except mine. Mine was different. Not just different, but a little misshapen and sort of ugly. Fortunately, my friends did not ostracize me, but having funny-looking feet is a burden I carry even to this day.

Now don’t get me wrong. I walk just fine, have no foot problems, and have not been traumatized for this less than perfect feature. My feet are sturdy and serve me well. However, I’m not the first one to say, “Let’s go get a pedicure!” Who wants to draw attention to funny feet?

Therefore, poetic, biblical metaphors about beautiful feet fascinate me. For example, Isaiah 52:7 (NLT) says, “How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news of peace and salvation, the news that the God of Israel reigns!” Leave it to God to use a metaphor about feet and make it seem beautiful – especially during a time when no one could boast of pretty feet!

In biblical times the custom was to go barefoot or wear sandals that could be easily slipped off and on. People walked to their destinations on dusty, unpaved country roads or through filthy streets, so feet took a lot of abuse. They were rough and calloused. When people visited or came home, they left their sandals at the door and washed their dirty feet before entering a house.

When these people heard a statement about feet being beautiful, they would probably look down and say, “How can my feet be beautiful?” But it’s the message that makes the feet beautiful, not the feet themselves. Everyone loves good news. Good news gladdens the heart and inspires. And if ugly, dirty feet are bringing the good news – well, then they are considered beautiful.

Feet that carry good news remind me of missionaries who feel called to share the gospel in remote areas, sometimes placing their lives in danger. Some live in mud huts with no running water and face cultural mores we can only imagine. We take literacy and written communication for granted, but some missionaries struggle with languages no Berlitz program has heard of – some with no alphabet, no written word, and no Bible. Yet, the love of God can transcend the heaviest challenge.

There are many places beautiful feet take the good news of peace and salvation in America. Christian volunteers do it all the time in prisons, hospitals, retirement homes, veteran’s facilities, homeless shelters, soup kitchens, and rehab centers.

Sharing the gospel isn’t just for Bible teachers, preachers, and those inclined to serve in the areas already mentioned. All who know Jesus can share Him on a personal level with friends, neighbors, coworkers, and family members. We can share the good news of Jesus with all we meet. This doesn’t mean we force salvation on unsuspecting acquaintances, but as we model Christian behavior, some may become curious. We can answer any questions people might have about Jesus and not shy away from sharing His good news of peace and salvation.

Consider this… How beautiful are your feet? Mine are misshapen, border on being ugly, and look funny.  But even funny feet become beautiful when they share the good news of Jesus Christ.

One final thought…

Keep your eyes on God and your feet on the ground!

Yet Another Year of Choices

By Barbara Dahlgren

I must admit that sometimes peace eludes me. I’m not talking about the “peace which passes understanding.” (Philippians 4:7) When I think of the “peace which passes understanding,” I think of God calming the child in the midst of the raging storm. I think of severe trials exercising faith muscles to the point where “peace” endorphins kick in. I think of crises altering an outlook, forcing one to re-evaluate and be thankful for the most important things in life. When these events happen, I realize I have no control over the outcome; so although they are gut wrenching, it’s a little easier to lift them up to God.

I’m talking about “everyday” peace which some might call peace of mind or inner peace. As that famous philosopher Anonymous once said, “It isn’t the mountains ahead that wear you out. It’s the grain of sand in your shoe.” Here are some of my grains of sand: nagging thoughts that get the better of me, being anxious when I have nothing really to feel anxious about, thinking the worst of others instead of the best, making mountains out of molehills, losing my perspective, getting upset because I’m inconvenienced, and wanting to punch inconsiderate, thoughtless, or irritating people.

Inner peace is described as tranquility of order. If this is true, there can be no peace where there is no order. Unfortunately, most of our lives lack order. Life tends to be messy, inconvenient, and stressful. Some cope or look for peace by drinking, taking drugs, making money, buying things, or eating. These forms of self-medication may give temporary relief, but being numb or catatonic is not quite the same as achieving peace.

There are many areas of my life that I have no control over. However, by trying to integrate some of the following practices into my life, even where I lack control I can have some inner peace.

• Mind my own business.
• Forgive others and myself.
• Forget the past. Move on!
• Don’t overextend. Learn to say, “No!”
• Be happy for others, not jealous.
• Accept what cannot be changed.
• Learn to be patient and/or tolerant.
• Count blessings. Be thankful.
• Choose friends wisely. Stay away from negative people.
• Don’t take everything personally.
• Simplify life. Get rid of clutter.
• Learn to laugh.
• Slow down. Find quiet time.
• Do something nice for someone else.
• Think before speaking.

Yet, it’s easier said than done. Chances are that if I’m stressed because I haven’t done the above, I have no one to blame but myself. Many times I’m angry with others when I’m the one who could have avoided the problem.

Consider this… Ultimately, all peace comes from God – the peace which passes understanding and inner peace. Without a relationship with God, we will never have true peace. God gives His peace to those who trust Him (John 14:27) and focus on Him (Isaiah 26:3), so they have no need to be anxious about anything (Philippians 4:6). Until we connect with God, we search and search, looking for “peace, peace, when there is no peace (Jeremiah 6:14).”

I guess I need to pray more and fret less – and stay miles away from inconsiderate, thoughtless, or irritating people.

One final thought…

He who angers you controls you. Don’t let others steal your inner peace.

Yet Another Year of Choices

By Barbara Dahlgren

 It is quite amazing what is done “in the name of Christ.” Some professing Christians take scriptures out of context to justify death threats, bigotry, bullying, and war. Some Christians want everyone to see things their way – not necessarily the Christian way – but their interpretation of Christianity.

Years ago I read about a pediatrician who refused to treat a young child’s ear infection because her mom had tattoos. He felt that tattoos and piercings went against his Christian faith. He was perfectly within his rights because he was in private practice. The sad part is that he did it “in the name of Christ.”

Christ’s standards seem to differ from the good doctor’s. In fact, Christ raised a few eyebrows when he spent time with tax collectors, lepers, the downtrodden, prostitutes, the poor, the weak, and lowlife sinners (Luke 5:31-32). He went out of His way to heal and give hope to such people. I can’t picture Him turning away any hurting child. Instead He said, “Let the little children come to me (Mark 10:14)” – not “Let only the little children with parents who meet my high Christian standards come to me. The rest can take a hike.”

This doctor reminded me of a biblical group who got very hung up on the minute details of keeping God’s laws. They added their own, private interpretations of what the law meant. Then they imposed their standards, not God’s, on everyone around them. They were called Pharisees.

Christ had much to say about the Pharisees and none of it was good. He told people to beware of the teachings of the Pharisees (Matthew 6:11-12). They bound heavy burdens on people, and only did good deeds when others could see them so they could get the glory instead of God (Matthew 23:2-9). He called them vipers and hypocrites (Matthew 3:7; 23:13, 23-24). They were self-righteous and prideful (Matthew 9:11; Luke 7:39; 18:11-12), which was further emphasized in the parable of the publican and the Pharisee (Luke 18:9-14).

Jesus showed disdain for Pharisaical laws when He and the disciples went through the fields on the Sabbath, picked corn, and ate it (Mark 2:23-28). He openly rebuked the Pharisees (Matthew 12:39; 16:1-4) because adherence to traditions and how they were enforced had become more important to them than what God’s teachings actually meant (Matthew 15:2; Mark 7:5-8).

Unfortunately, by New Testament times, these Pharisees were widely recognized as the religious leaders. Perhaps they meant well to begin with, but they became such extremists that they couldn’t even recognize the Messiah when He was in their very presence.

Consider this… If we aren’t careful, we can get bogged down the same way. We can get caught up in the letter of the law instead of the spirit of what Christ came and died for. If you read the teachings of Christ, you know He looked on the heart, not the outward appearance. He loved people. He empathized with them. He felt their pain.

Those who want to do something “in the name of Christ” might lean more toward scriptures focusing on love, not being judgmental, going the extra mile, forgiveness, mercy, or grace. After all, aren’t these the things we want others to think of when they hear Christ’s name??

One final thought…

Ask yourself, “What would Jesus really do?” Then do it.

Yet Another Year of Choices

By Barbara Dahlgren

There are many positive things about aging. Unfortunately, I can’t remember what they are. That’s my problem. I can’t remember much of anything – and what I do remember can be inaccurately influenced by time, bias, and suggestion. I am not alone. Recently a friend was relating a childhood incident that happened with her parents and her three siblings. “The funny thing is,” she mused, “although we were all there, we all remember it differently.”

Police officers experience this all the time. When eyewitnesses are questioned about who they saw do the robbery, the descriptions indicate the crime was committed by a short, tall, black, Caucasian with short, long, brown, blond hair wearing blue sweatpants or a brown suit.

Most of us do not intend to shade the truth, but sometimes we do. For example, if we tell an embellished story long enough, we actually think it is true. If we are having difficulty with a person, our minds magnify their imperfections. We even believe our fantasized ideas about how much better things were in the good old days, but were the good old days as good as we remember them to be? Maybe not!

Such was the case when the Israelites came out of Egypt. For years they groaned for deliverance because of their unbearable hardships (Exodus 1:8- 22; 2:23; 5:7). However, when God delivered them, they grumbled about how much better off they had been in Egypt.

When they didn’t like how God provided for them, they’d recall their distorted view of the good old days. “Remember the fish we ate in Egypt… (Deuteronomy 11:5)” or “It would have been better if the Lord had just killed us in the land of Egypt! At least there we had plenty to eat (Exodus 16:3 ERV).” Yes, they may have had fish, but they also had oppressive slavery under cruel task masters to the point that even their baby boys were killed at birth.

Later God would tell them to remember when they were slaves in Egypt. Remember that God delivered them to freedom (Deuteronomy 5:15). Remember what God did to Pharaoh and to Egypt (Deuteronomy 7:18). Remember how God led them through the wilderness (Deuteronomy 8:2).

This was more than exhorting them just to remember these things; it was telling them to remember accurately. “Be careful never to forget what you yourself have seen. Do not let these memories escape from your mind as long as you live (Deuteronomy 4:9 NLT)!”

Consider this… Human memory is flawed. Life, even the Christian life, is not easy. So when times get rough, we might imagine it was better before God revealed Himself to us. Not true. We forget how lonely, depressed, angry, hopeless, or void of purpose we felt without God. We forget all God has done for us.

Sadly, I know I forget the many wonderful things God has done for me. Fortunately, my salvation is not tied to my faulty memory. God remembers me even when I forget Him (Isaiah 49:15, 16). But I want to remember. So I continually ask, “God, please help me remember Your love, mercy, kindness, and faithfulness to me and my loved ones, plus all those little prayers You answered immediately and the ones where You wisely did not give me what I wanted because You had a better plan.”

One final thought…

God always remembers us; we should always remember Him!

Yet Another Year of Choices

By Barbara Dahlgren

Reading “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect” in Matthew 5:48 reminds me of all my imperfections – which are many to be sure. The imperfection I hate most in my life is that I’m not perfect.

Those who struggle with perfection know too well the feeling of never really being good enough. We are like those children learning to write the alphabet for the first time who tear their papers up the second they see they have malformed a letter. It makes no difference that they made it to the “R” without a problem. If the “S” looks sloppy, then in the trash it goes. Instead of focusing on the progress made, they focus on their lack of perfection. Instead of looking at how far they’ve come, they lament about how far they need to go to achieve perfection. It can be very discouraging.

In psychological terms, perfectionism is the belief that perfection can and should be attained. When that belief transforms into thinking anything less than perfect is unacceptable, problems set in. Through a perfectionist’s eyes, a person’s self-worth is determined by flawlessness. Of course, ideas of perfection vary from person to person. Perfectionists set rigid standards of performance for themselves and sometimes for others. They never feel they “measure up” and neither does anyone else. Perfection is greatly overrated.

One of my favorite movie lines comes from Mary Poppins when she humorously replies, “We practically perfect people never make mistakes.” Poppins, like most everyone else, links perfection to lack of mistakes. Sometimes Christians make the same error in reading the Bible. Actually the word “perfect” in the above scripture in Greek is “telios” meaning finished, full grown, mature, lacking nothing, or brought to completeness. It has nothing to do with making mistakes or not being good enough.

People commonly think that all perfection is about physical actions such as being good, successful, or sinless. When God speaks of perfection, He wants us to “be complete” by being spiritually one with His Son Jesus Christ. This perfection is not designed to make us look good or perform flawlessly, but to let Christ’s life be manifest through us. Physical perfection is more concerned about actions we perform to a certain level, whereas spiritual perfection is about becoming totally dependent on God, letting Him work through us to perform His will – not ours. It is not concerned about “self.”

The good news is that we are already perfect in God’s sight. We are reconciled through Jesus Christ and He lives in us. This comes not from our false concepts of trying to attain perfection or being good enough. It is a gift given freely to us. With Christ in us, we are brought to completion and we lack nothing.

Consider this… Will we make mistakes? Sure. But a spiritually mature Christian tries not to make the same mistake twice. That’s progress!

One final thought…

Christians aren’t perfect, just forgiven.

Yet Another Year of Choices

By Barbara Dahlgren

As Peter neared the end of his ministry, he left the churches with an exhortation to be steadfast and to “…grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ…” (2 Peter 3:17-18) These are his last written words to the churches, so they must be pretty important.

Growing in grace and knowledge means to become spiritually mature. God never intended us to remain babes in Christ forever. He expects us to grow up. (Hebrew 5:13-15)

Babies are cute when they are little. However, twenty or thirty or forty-year-old BIG babies are not. Fifty-year-olds who have not learned how to share, play nicely with others, or control their emotions are definitely not fun to be around. Longtime Christians who are still selfish, undiscerning, and belligerent are not fun to be around either. (Hebrew 5:13-15)

Maturity is reflected in our thoughts, words, actions, reactions, and attitudes. So Christians wanting spiritual maturity need to “walk the walk, not just talk the talk.” It can be summed up in James 1:22: “Be ye doers of the word, not hearers only.”

When James wrote this book, it was to the Christians living outside of Palestine – to those scattered abroad. (James 1:1) Nero’s persecution had caused many believers to scatter throughout Asia Minor. Believers became lethargic. Their focus shifted from Jesus to succumbing to temptations. (James 1:13-15) They were not practicing what they had learned. Therefore, their spiritual growth had halted.

While it is true most of us aren’t scattered abroad, we do have lots of time-wasting temptations of this world to draw us away from Christ. Just having a cell phone, TV, and Internet access can make us spiritually lethargic. Spending time with Christ no longer seems to be a priority. Has our spiritual growth slowed or possibly halted altogether?

Spiritual growth means applying God’s truth in every area of our lives. It means continually seeking God and wanting to know more and more and more about Him. It means never reaching the point where we think we know it all. It means never becoming complacent. It means fixing our eyes upon Jesus and wanting to become more and more like Him – which is difficult to do if we aren’t spending time with Him.

Consider this… If we aren’t growing in grace and knowledge, we are remaining spiritually stagnant. God doesn’t want us to be stagnant; He wants us to grow. When Paul prayed for the church at Philippi, he asked for their love to overflow more and more, and that they would continue to grow.” (Philippians 1:9) Our spiritual growth should never end.

One final thought…

We all have those days when we are out of sorts. When you know you are ill tempered or overreacting, say this to yourself: GROW UP YOU BIG BABY! You’ll be surprised how quickly your attitude can change. It’s even more fun to say it someone else, but I don’t think that would be spiritually mature. 🙂

Yet Another Year of Choices

By Barbara Dahlgren

The Bible tells us to bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5) This is just a fancy way of saying we need to control our thoughts, not let our thoughts control us.

While we may not be able to control everything that happens to us, we are still responsible for how we think, act, feel and respond in any given situation. At times our choices may be limited, but we can still choose to “act” responsibly instead of “react” negatively. Will we respond with strength or weakness, courage or despair, love or hate? How we respond makes a big difference in our quality of life. Our response actually begins in our thought process.

When we “react” to what life throws our way, we allow circumstances and other people to determine our behavior. We let our emotions control what we do. Many times reacting is an autopilot response resulting from previous programmed behavior. In other words, we don’t really think about our responses, we just react subconsciously based on what we’ve always done. Old habits die hard.

However, when we “act,” we are making a conscious choice. We have to actually think and evaluate each situation. Our goal should be to do what God’s Word would have us do, not what we want to do or what we feel like doing. Therefore, each circumstance becomes a learning experience, helping us grow in grace and knowledge.

Daily life is full of stress, frustration, and offense. What do we do when faced with a whiny kid, annoying spouse, or difficult boss? What do we do when we feel hassled? Do we lash out, blow up in anger, say hurtful things, or try to get even? Scriptures teach us that these are not healthy responses and will not produce positive results.

We can determine some of our responses by planning ahead.

When we are stuck in a traffic jam, do we fuss, fume and make ourselves miserable? Those reactions do not produce good fruit. When we drift into the habit of reacting, even minor irritants become monumental. We lose perspective. Since we all know traffic jams are inevitable, why not decide ahead of time how to act when they happen? Perhaps when a traffic jam occurs, we could plan to listen to music, listen to a book on CD, count our blessings, thank God we aren’t in the accident causing the jam, pray for the person who is, or meditate on Jesus’ teachings.

When someone is rude, do we react by being rude too? Do we say, “Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?” Or “Keep talking and maybe someday you’ll say something intelligent!” God tells us how to deal with difficult people in Colossians 4:6. If we internalize scriptures, we can determine ahead of time that we will consciously choose to be gracious even when others are not. We will be courteous and respectful to everyone – friends and enemies.

Consider this… Automatic thoughts which lead to thoughtless reactions will lead us astray. They need to be brought under control – into captivity to the obedience of Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5) One way to accomplish this is to think about what is true, honest, lovely, virtuous, of good report, and praise worthy. (Philippians 4:8) Why? Because when our minds are filled with such thoughts, we are less likely to react inappropriately.

One final thought…

Learn to respond, not react. There is a difference.

Yet Another Year of Choices

By Barbara Dahlgren

1 Corinthians 8:1 tells us that knowledge puffs up, but love edifies. This is a fancy way of saying “know-it-all” people rarely enlighten others or improve situations because no one is interested in what they say. However, when the motive is love for others, it is reflected in what we do and say. In other words, it is edifying. To edify means to enlighten or improve.

The Greek word for edify is “oikodomeo” and technically it means to build up. When we cheerfully build others up we become part of the solution, not part of the problem. We become a stepping stone to a good result, not a stumbling block. That’s why we are encouraged to edify one another. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)  Here are some ways this can be accomplished.

Cooperate: When we cooperate, we don’t foster a feeling of competition. No one wants to be around those who think they are better than everyone else. Learning to work together is a key to getting anything accomplished. We shouldn’t expect others to do what we are not willing to do ourselves. So be a team player, not a superstar!

Accept: People want to be accepted for who they are. Acceptance does not mean we condone bad behavior. It just means we don’t judge and condemn. We all have areas in our lives that need changing, but being critical does not bring about healthy change.

Pursue Peace: The Bible tells us to “pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another.” (Romans 14:19) This can be done by not making a big deal out of something that is not a big deal. If we stay calm, pray, and look at something from another’s point of view, our perspective may change.

Be Considerate: We can start by using words like “please” and “thank you.” Give a sincere compliment. Be on time. Show up for a commitment.

Use Nice Words: Cursing, gossiping, and putting others down are not edifying. The Message Bible gives this instruction: “Say only what helps, each word a gift.” (Ephesians 4:29) Even if it is necessary to correct someone, it can be done constructively so it doesn’t leave a person devastated, but rather encouraged to move forward.

These are just a few ideas. We could all make an extensive list of ways to edify others.

Consider this… When we tear others down instead of building them up, it actually grieves the Holy Spirit. (Ephesians 4:29-30) In other words, God doesn’t like it. Not only do we hurt others, but we rob ourselves of blessings.

One final thought…

“Don’t find fault, find a remedy.” ~Henry Ford