Another Year of Choices
By Barbara Dahlgren
Our brains were designed to be social. Studies show the gray matter between our ears is actually busy every moment, picking up messages and responding. Two-time Pulitzer nominee Daniel Goreman reinforces this in his book Social Intelligence. Goreman says, “The brain itself is social.” Not only that, but mirror neurons actually cause people to respond to what they see or feel. This is why smiles, frowns, and yawns are contagious.
Yet, as relational as we long to be, loneliness prevails. We have more methods of instant communication available than ever before, such as computers, e-mail, the Internet, cell phones, and text messaging – which might be part of the problem. Internet users spend less time socializing one-on-one with others. Conversations take place on phones, but reading another’s body language through airwaves is impossible. And text messaging has created an abbreviated language lacking in the written and verbal nuances once needed to interact with others. Exactly how many BFFs can one have in a lifetime? We might be communicating more through technology but socializing less.
Some of us are our own worst enemies. We retreat from life and have unrealistic expectations, not realizing that loneliness can lead to depression manifesting itself under the mask of withdrawal, anxiety, lack of motivation, and sadness.
Nowhere do loneliness and depression go hand in hand more than during holiday seasons – especially at Christmas time. Some can cope with loneliness during the rest of the year, but Christmas is when people are getting together with friends and families. If someone feels isolated from family members or doesn’t have close friends, loneliness and depression are intensified.
That’s why newspaper and magazine articles, plus countless blogs, are written with helpful hints on combatting the Christmas blues. The major emphasis of these hints seems to be on getting the focus off “self” and on to others. The skeptic might say, “This is easier said than done when I have no ‘others’ in my life.” The answer might be to enlarge the sphere of focus and go find some “others.”
For example, one could: help in a homeless shelter; visit those in a Veteran’s facility; hospital or nursing home; send a care package to a soldier; do random acts of kindness; or invite others who will be alone to your home for a potluck. Visiting the fatherless and widowed is another option (James 1:27). The key is to find people who are worse off than you and give, give, give. Believe it or not, there are people lonelier than you. And a person doesn’t have to give much to be appreciated. A candy cane and a smile can lift someone’s spirits.
If you are invited to somebody’s home, why not accept without feeling like you are infringing on someone else’s family time? You could always go for a while and leave early. Bring a bottle of wine or sparkling cider or a poinsettia. Sometimes it’s easier to refuse an invitation so we can stay in our comfort zone.
Connecting with others and with Christ might make us feel a bit uncomfortable, but remember – solutions to problems usually take us out of our comfort zones.
Consider this… God created us to be relational. Christmas isn’t about gifts; it’s about relationships. Jesus came to be with us. Emmanuel means “God with us.” He wants to be with you and me. As we make a small move towards God, He embraces us with open arms.
I pray that Christmas brings you joy, faith, hope, love, and a step closer to connecting with Christ and others – all the gifts that can’t be bought, even at Neiman Marcus.
Suggestions for practicing this choice…
- One of my favorite Christmas quotes comes from Taylor Caldwell who said, “This is the true message of Christmas: we are not alone!” Repeat this quote often during this Christmas season. Remember, Emmanuel means “God with us!”
- Today, pick a specific person to pray for. Do some little thing for this person to cheer him/her or make life easier.
- Tomorrow, pick a different person to pray for. Do some little thing for this person to cheer him/her or make life easier.
- Try not to complain so much and ditch the “woe is me” attitude. Sure you may have problems, but so does everyone else. Focus on what you have, not what you want. Be thankful.
- Don’t isolate yourself. Accept an invitation. Go to a Christmas pageant. Volunteer somewhere. Call an aging aunt or uncle and listen to them talk about the good old days. Ask God to reveal ways you can get more involved in life!
