Another Year of Choices
By Barbara Dahlgren
When our granddaughter Sophia was eighteen-months-old, I remember our delight in watching her learn so many new things like walking, talking, and becoming aware of all the wonders around her. What a glorious age! Of course, with each new feat she mastered or new word she repeated we smiled with great pleasure, clapped and praised her. One day when she did something she thought was praise worthy she clapped, patted herself on the arm, and said, “Good job!”
Her mother laughingly asked, “Do you think we are over-validating?”
“I don’t think so.” I replied. “The more praise, the better.”
It is easier to build strong children than repair broken adults. The word validate actually comes from the Latin word validus meaning “to be made strong.” Strong children are built through praise, encouragement, and validation.
My heart goes out to all the children who grow up without a word of encouragement or any validation. Not only do they feel unloved and unwanted, they are ill prepared to face a world eager to point out all their flaws and inadequacies. When they don’t get the approval of others, they feel unworthy and depressed.
Validation in the Christian life is important as well.
Consider this… Validation for a Christian has a two-fold significance which can be summed up through God’s love and our love for one another.
God’s Love
Fortunately for all of us, Jesus came for the broken and those of us who’ve never been validated. We are God’s beloved children. He loves us. He wants us. He could have anyone on the face of the earth, yet He chose us. He died for us while we were yet sinners (Romans 5:8). We don’t have to do anything to earn his approval, respect, or love. He validates us by being with us and living in us. His life in us gives ours great meaning.
Love for One Another
God validates us and we should validate one another. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 tells us to encourage one another and build each other up. No matter what age we are, we desire to be accepted and respected. Let’s not miss an opportunity to let others know they are appreciated. If people have had a positive influence on your life, why not tell them? Even the words thank you can have great meaning when spoken sincerely.
Frankly, I think Sophia had the right idea. I see nothing wrong with occasionally patting ourselves on our own arms and saying, “Good job!” However, let’s not forget to thank God for His help in our accomplishment. And while we’re at it, why not thank all those who helped us along the way. They could probably use a little validation as well.
Suggestions for practicing this choice…
- Use words like “nicely done,” “great job,” and “thank you” often! The words “thank you,” in any language, can be quite validating!
- Actively listen to others and respond positively.
- Learn to communicate, sincerely compliment, and encourage others.
- Accept others for who they are. Acceptance doesn’t mean condoning or approving. It just means people are the way they are and there is little you can do about it except love them anyway.
- Cut yourself some slack. Instead of putting yourself down for the nine things you didn’t do right today, focus on the one thing you did right. Come on… you must have done at least one thing right today????
