A Year of Choices…
By Barbara Dahlgren from Barbara’s Banter at www.barbdahlgren.com
Father’s Day is a week away. So we have plenty of time to get that soap on a rope and flashy tie for good old Dad! Ties are not the “go-to” gift they used to be for dads, but there’s always a gift card.
Ah, fatherhood! In the good old days, a dad just went out, made the money, came back to the house for a home cooked meal, disciplined the little tykes in that “wait until your father gets home” way, did what he wanted for awhile, got a good night’s sleep and started the process all over again the next day. Not so today. Many moms work outside the home, too. Dads have to help with the household chores, help with the nurturing, be loving, sensitive and caring, and be macho-manly too.
I think it’s nice that fathers are included more today in the rearing and training of children. The Bible never abdicated dads to being just breadwinners. Fathers were expected to be fully involved in raising their children. (Deuteronomy 6:6-9) Fathers were told not to “exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)
Those who have/had loving fathers are indeed blessed. Not only do they grow up with less psychological problems, they have an easier time picturing God the Father as merciful and kind. Those who had distant or abusive fathers have a harder time grasping this. However, the biblical command to honor our fathers is not just a suggestion. It’s a command – and that command is not conditional. (Exodus 20:12) A father’s moral character or effective parenting skills are not mentioned. So how can we honor those unworthy of our honor? Here are some ideas…
Try to understand: Understanding why your father is the way he is does not mean you agree with what he’s done. It doesn’t excuse wrong behavior. It just gives you a little bit different perspective.
Forgive: Forgiveness does not mean you condone harsh actions. It just means you aren’t going to hold a grudge or let it keep you from being kind. Forgiveness means you show compassion even if none was shown to you. However, it doesn’t mean you let people take advantage of your kind nature.
Love unconditionally: God loves us unconditionally and that’s how we should love our dads. They shouldn’t have to earn our love even if they try to make us earn theirs. However, love should not be a “guilt” card people use against each other. Love isn’t emotional blackmail to manipulate people into doing what you want. We can love others but not agree with what they do.
Accept: Accept your dad the way he is because you can’t change him. Realize that just because you understand, forgive, and love doesn’t mean your dad will do the same for you. You do those things because they are the right thing to do.
Pray: Pray for your father. Lift him up to God.
Consider this… There are no perfect fathers except one – God the Father.
If you have/had a loving physical father, be thankful. If you didn’t, just remember that you have a heavenly Father who loves you very much and he will never, ever let you down.
Suggestions for practicing this choice…
- If you had a loving father, then thank God. Then thank your father for all the things he did for you. Don’t be afraid to be specific.
- Don’t look for closure to past problems between you and your father. I had a friend whose aged father was in the hospital not doing well. This friend wanted to go talk to his father about past issues he had with him. His concern was not about his father. His concern was about himself. Why try to lay mountains of guilt on a dying man? Just pray about it and let it go.
- Don’t try to change your father. It won’t work. We can’t change others; we can only change ourselves. Accept him the way he is and love him anyway. Accepting people the way they are does not mean you condone what they do.
- Make time in your busy schedule for your father. Once in a while listen to the song Cat’s in the Cradle to inspire you to spend a little time with your dad.
- If your father is no longer with you then honor his memory by passing on wonderful lessons you learned from him to your children and grandchildren. Look at old pictures. Share those funny stories. Keep his legacy alive.
