I recently read an article about a woman who wanted her husband to put his dirty clothes in the laundry hamper instead of dropping them on the floor. The author went to great length explaining that there was probably some sort of underlying, psychological reason why the man didn’t want to put the dirty clothes in the hamper. I’m not singling out men here. Some women have the same problem. The author felt that if they could get to the core of the reason behind the action, the problem would be solved. Honestly???? Give me a break.
I am so tired of people trying to explain away their bad habits and blame them on how they were potty trained. I don’t doubt we could solve the world’s problems by getting to the psychological reasons of why we do what we do, but that doesn’t mean we stop our bad habits. Bad habits are, after all, bad habits that we have allowed to become an ingrained part of our lives. To understand why we do something is marvelous; to stop doing it is something else entirely.
Now it might be a little different if this couple were not living in a shared space. If a person had a room of his/her own and wanted to leave clothes all over the place, then so be it. Or if this couple could afford a cleaning lady to come in daily, so be it. More power to them! Problem solved. But if other arrangements can’t be reached then agreements must be made. After discussion there may come a time when one might have to lovingly say, “Just stop it! Stop putting your dirty clothes on the floor!” Then together they come up with a consequence to accompany unacceptable behavior and stick to it. Follow through. This is not a threat. It’s a plan of action. This procedure can be applied to just about any domestic, family, or workforce situation.
Picking up dirty clothes is fairly small in comparison to other areas of our lives. However, it could be a metaphor for just about any behavior. People have to learn to function in society. Jobs must be done or people get fired. Bills must be paid on time or fines and penalties occur. Good grooming might be necessary if one wants friends.
We all have excuses for why we do what we do or don’t do, and while they may be valid, they might not help us lead happier lives co-existing with others. As the Bible says, something might be lawful but not expedient or it might be permissible but not beneficial (1 Corinthians 6:12). In other words, just because we can self justify what we do, doesn’t mean it’s the best course of action to do it.
People don’t care if we are having a bad hair day, eaten too much sugar, have a chemical imbalance, were poor as children, had parents who paid more attention to our siblings than us, were potty trained too early or late, have a temper because we’re Irish, are lazy because we never had to go out and get a job, or are slobs because our mothers picked up after us. And while all these may be valid reasons for the bad habits we’ve acquired through the years, at some point we have to stop making excuses for ourselves and just do what we should do. Get up. Pick up. Clean up. Grow up.
Does that mean we are unsympathetic because some people have to struggle with certain issues more than others? No! It means just because we understand why people do certain things, it doesn’t give them license to do it. Just because we have an excuse for what we do, doesn’t mean we should continue doing it.
Sometimes we can hire someone to do what we don’t want to do. Believe it or not, if we can afford it, I’m all for that. That’s one way of accepting responsibility. But sometimes we have to stop making excuses and change our unacceptable behavior.
