{"id":4234,"date":"2017-10-08T09:00:53","date_gmt":"2017-10-08T14:00:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.barbdahlgren.com\/?p=4234"},"modified":"2017-07-23T23:08:09","modified_gmt":"2017-07-24T04:08:09","slug":"choose-not-to-add-to-someones-misery","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/barbdahlgren.com\/?p=4234","title":{"rendered":"Choose Not to Add to Someone’s Misery"},"content":{"rendered":"

One More Year of Choices<\/em><\/p>\n

By Barbara Dahlgren<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"We all know the story of Job in the Bible. He was a wealthy, loyal servant of God who was afflicted by Satan and lost everything he had. He was miserable. So his friends came to help. However, Job\u2019s friends were not helpful. In fact, they added to Job\u2019s misery. If we aren\u2019t careful, we can add to a person\u2019s misery, all the while thinking we are being helpful.<\/p>\n

What Job needed was comfort and encouragement. Instead he got judgment and condemnation. They assumed Job was being punished for some sin he had committed or evil he\u2019d done. They reasoned that Job\u2019s suffering was his own fault \u2013 but this was not true. Sometimes when people have problems, we make those same assumptions, not knowing what God is bringing to pass in someone\u2019s life.<\/p>\n

Job\u2019s friends started out with good intentions. First, they just sat with Job in silence. But then they got spiritual. They felt they had to say something, and what they said was insensitive. Sometimes it\u2019s better to just sit with someone during a trial, but keep our platitudes to ourselves.<\/p>\n

Here are some things \u201chelpful\u201d people say and what suffering people think when they hear them. Although these statements may be true, they are not comforting during a present distress.<\/p>\n

What we say: This was part of God\u2019s plan.<\/p>\n

What they think: I find it so reassuring that a loving God wants me to suffer.<\/p>\n

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What we say: God works in mysterious ways.<\/p>\n

What they think: Yes, He does! And I wish He\u2019d reveal a little of that mystery to me right now.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

What we say: All things work together for good to those who love the Lord.<\/p>\n

What they think: Maybe it will, but I don\u2019t really care right now.<\/p>\n

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What we say: God doesn\u2019t give you more than you can handle.<\/p>\n

What they think: It doesn\u2019t feel that way at the moment.<\/p>\n

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What we say: What doesn\u2019t kill you will make you stronger.<\/p>\n

What they think: That’s catchy. Maybe they can put it on my tombstone.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

What we say: You need to pray more.<\/p>\n

What they think: So do you!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

What we say: You\u2019ll be just fine.<\/p>\n

What they think: How the #$%# do you know?<\/p>\n

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What we say: Be thankful it isn\u2019t worse.<\/p>\n

What they think: Be thankful I\u2019m not punching you in the nose right now.<\/p>\n

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What we say: I understand how you feel.<\/p>\n

What they think: No, you don\u2019t!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

These statements may be true, and might be helpful in retrospect, but certainly not during the present suffering. Gracious words are sweet like a honeycomb and healing to the bones. (Proverbs 16:24) These words are not healing any bones. It might be better to just give a hug and sit in silence. Sitting in silence can be comforting.<\/p>\n

If we must say something, consider statements like\u2026<\/p>\n