{"id":1095,"date":"2012-05-13T09:00:33","date_gmt":"2012-05-13T14:00:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.barbdahlgren.com\/?p=1095"},"modified":"2012-05-13T17:15:15","modified_gmt":"2012-05-13T22:15:15","slug":"happy-mothers-day-2011","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/barbdahlgren.com\/?p=1095","title":{"rendered":"Happy Mother&#8217;s Day 2012"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.barbdahlgren.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Happy-Mothers-Day.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-1096\" title=\"Happy Mother's Day\" src=\"http:\/\/www.barbdahlgren.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Happy-Mothers-Day.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"224\" height=\"224\" srcset=\"https:\/\/barbdahlgren.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Happy-Mothers-Day.jpg 224w, https:\/\/barbdahlgren.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Happy-Mothers-Day-150x150.jpg 150w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 224px) 100vw, 224px\" \/><\/a>Erma Bombeck was a gifted writer whose playful prose is legendary.\u00a0 The following is from her Mother\u2019s Day column for May 12, 1974.\u00a0 Though Erma passed away in 1996 her wit and humor live on.\u00a0 Some writings are extraordinary \u2013 just like mothers&#8230;\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>When the good Lord was creating mothers, He was into his sixth day of \u201covertime\u201d when an angel appeared and said, \u201cYou\u2019re doing a lot of fiddling around on this one.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And the Lord said, \u201cHave you read the specs on this order?<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>She has to be completely washable, but not plastic;<\/li>\n<li>Have 180 movable parts&#8230; all replaceable;<\/li>\n<li>Run on black coffee and leftovers;<\/li>\n<li>Have a lap that disappears when she stands up;<\/li>\n<li>A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair;<\/li>\n<li>And six pairs of hands.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>The angel shook her head slowly and said, \u201cSix pairs of hands&#8230; no way.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s not the hands that are causing me problems,\u201d said the Lord. \u201cIt\u2019s the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThat\u2019s on the standard model?\u201d asked the angel.<\/p>\n<p>The Lord nodded. \u201cOne pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, \u2018What are you kids doing in there?\u2019 when she already knows, another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn\u2019t but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say, \u2018I understand and I love you\u2019 without so much as uttering a word.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cLord,\u201d said the angel, touching His sleeve gently, \u201cGo to bed. Tomorrow&#8230;\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI can\u2019t,\u201d said the Lord, \u201cI\u2019m so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick&#8230; can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger&#8230; and can get a nine-year-old to stand under a shower.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. \u201cIt\u2019s too soft,\u201d she sighed.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBut she\u2019s tough!\u201d said the Lord excitedly. \u201cYou cannot imagine what this mother can do or endure.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cCan it think?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNot only can it think, but it can reason and compromise,\u201d said the Creator.<\/p>\n<p>Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. \u201cThere\u2019s a leak,\u201d she pronounced. \u201cI told You that You were trying to push too much into this model.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s not a leak,\u201d said the Lord. \u201cIt\u2019s a tear.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat\u2019s it for?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou are a genius,\u201d said the angel.<\/p>\n<p>The Lord looked somber. \u201cI didn\u2019t put it there,\u201d He said.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Erma Bombeck was a gifted writer whose playful prose is legendary.\u00a0 The following is from her Mother\u2019s Day column for May 12, 1974.\u00a0 Though Erma passed away in 1996 her wit and humor live on.\u00a0 Some writings are extraordinary \u2013 &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/barbdahlgren.com\/?p=1095\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1095","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/barbdahlgren.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1095","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/barbdahlgren.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/barbdahlgren.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/barbdahlgren.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/barbdahlgren.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1095"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/barbdahlgren.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1095\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/barbdahlgren.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1095"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/barbdahlgren.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1095"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/barbdahlgren.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1095"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}